My Crazy Mind: This Is Not Okay.

I love to read blogs when I get a minute. I've fallen in love with Candace Cameron Bure & I read all of her blog updates. Her latest one was a guest post talking about "Finding Rest in the Midst of a Busy World" and it read my heart exactly. I yearn for spiritual (and literal) rest lately. This isn't going to be an encouraging, tip-giving blog. Not that I "do those" but I do typically like to provide solutions to problems instead of just complain. I actually prefer to solve problems ASAP but, nevertheless...

I kind of wanted to throw my thoughts out there in the blogosphere, let it all out & hope that maybe I'm not the only one or, if I'm lucky, get some tips or some encouragement back.

I like to think of myself as independent, determined, and a problem-solver. Realistically, I am EASILY overwhelmed and depressed. This is not okay. I can't remember a time when I was bored, or didn't have the weight of a large to-do list on my shoulders. The to-do list could vary from things others are depending on me for or crazy things I mistakenly add to my own plate. If I sit, I feel guilty. But ironically enough, I find absolutely no guilt in napping. Crazy how that works. Sleep is one of my top five favorite things in this world and I am not ashamed to admit it. I used to nap a lot...but with marriage and working a full-time job, I really don't anymore. Maybe that's the problem. ;)

I just wanted to give you just a glimpse of maybe an hour-long span of my crazy personal thoughts lately so you can see where I am coming from:

I am so behind at work. I must work a little bit from home, even though I vowed I was going to stop doing that. If I work a little bit later, I'll get more done. I have SO many evaluations to write. I'll never be caught up. There's no point in even trying. The 10% paycut doesn't help. My student loans and medical bills are outrageous! That. Is. Not. Fair. Why did I even go to graduate school? I need to go see Mawmaw in the hospital. She's lonely out there in Mount Holly. She's one of my most favorite people ever. I don't want her to be lonely. MY HOUSE IS A DISASTER. There are boxes everywhere. My husband hasn't thrown anything in his nightstand away since high school...or before. I cannot deal with all this clutter. I should have taken a week off work to deal with this. I can't put anything up until the paint's done. The painter's not done yet. Where is our {fill in the blank}? I hear animals in the attic. We probably should do something about that. What are we doing for dinner? I will be home late. I don't have the energy to cook. I don't know how to cook. I want something quick, cheap, and yummy to eat. But fast food's horrible for you. And I've only been to the gym once in 2-3 MONTHS. I am gaining weight again. But I don't question why. But I feel bad. But I'm busy. But I am gaining weight. Do you know how hard I worked to lose the weight I did lose? I don't know if I want to do low-carb or low-calorie. Either way, I'll have to go back to the gym. But I'm tired. And I didn't get home until after 8:00. But I'm gaining weight. But fast food is so yummy. But my house is a wreck- I really should be fixing that. And wedding videos!! I am so behind on wedding videos. I had no idea they'd take this much time after-the-fact or I would have never signed up for this. But I enjoy doing it. But I have zero time to finish the videos. And thank you cards! I have not finished my thank you cards from all the amazingness I received for our wedding. I feel so bad about that. I really am thankful. I need a shower. But doing my hair is so annoying. I could go to bed with my hair wet. I don't think Alex likes it when I go to bed with my hair wet. What am I going to wear to church tomorrow? What'd I wear to church last week? I don't want to wear the same thing 2 weeks in a row. I dread getting up early in the morning. I'll probably want a nap tomorrow. Who has time for a nap? I have so much to do here before I go back to work Monday. I am so behind at work... 

And the cycle continues. I feel like I need to do as much as physically possible to fix the problems that I can, and am willing to, fix. I have spent every waking moment unpacking, organizing, and cleaning in the "simple" attempt to get this house under control. I think if I can get the house under control {when has that ever happened?} then I will feel innocent enough to sit and work on wedding videos or write thank you cards. The only reason I sat down to blog was because I am too tired to stand any longer. I have been working like a crazy lady all day and I simply need some R&R. But then the guilt set in and I was all like, "This is not okay."

I am sure...or at least I hope that I am not the only one that feels like this. I'm sure I'm not. The internet is full of women who protest social media because all it does is make you feel inferior. Inferior as a wife, mother, homemaker, clothes-wearer, whatever. I 100% believe it does, but for different reasons. The internet especially has made me realize that some women seem to get more done in a day than I do. Why is that? I have no idea. They probably sleep less. They probably wake up super early in the morning, chipper, ready to take on the day. They probably have super high metabolism and don't need to work out to stay attractive. {I tell myself that a lot to make me feel better but I know that belittles their physical effort so I take it back.} I am sure they have money and can delegate some duties out, or don't feel obligation to work 45-50 hours per week to try to stay on top of things. Again. I don't know..just throwing some guesses out there. I read someone say recently, "We all have the same number of hours in a day as Beyonce." How ridiculous for someone to even think that, let alone say it! Beyonce has a ton of MONEY, and a TEAM of people to help her get it all done. She BETTER get a lot done!

My dad always told me growing up that I cannot do it all, as in...things cost time and money and you only have so much time, money, energy, and resources. I think he was teaching me a lesson in prioritizing and the value of saying no. I have obviously not learned that lesson yet, but I already appreciate it.

And of course, when your brain is chaotic, and guilt-ridden, and you just have a million things to do, but you're tired, and exhausted, and hungry, and haven't spent any time with your husband yet today...what's the first thing to go? If you're anything like me, it's probably your relationship with Christ, which I feel the most guilty about. I try to find ways to connect with Him throughout the day, but it's not enough and it's exactly the problem. If I was as God-centered as I should be, I highly doubt I would be driving myself this crazy. But would I find more time to do things? I don't know. Would my house be any more cleaner or organized? I don't know. Would I be able to spend time with my family, husband, friends, God, and get my work done? I obviously don't know. But I would have more of a peace about things. I am horrible with commitment, so I'm not going to make any promises. But I just want you to know that I know that's the problem. And I really want to solve that problem, as soon as possible. I'm going to take my sleepy self upstairs, open up my Bible, and hope time stands still for a while so I can still get maybe seven hours of sleep.

Am I crazy? Am I normal? Do you feel like this too? What do you do to pull yourself back together? I obviously am welcoming any & all suggestions. ;) 

My day. ... What if?

I had one of those days yesterday when nothing went right. To end the day, I broke my flashdrive. You know, the thing that held ALL my work-related everything and the thing I had NOT backed up since June. This has happened before. You'd think I'd learn. You'd think. Either way, I spent an entire day today in front of a computer, re-doing the notes I had done last week, that were due yesterday, and pulling any documentation I could recover via email. Let me tell you...it was a fun day. Oh, and I stapled my finger this morning. That was a first. I'm not gonna lie, it hurt and it bled. But I had a fuss fest nice lunch with three of my awesome co-workers today. That was the highlight of my twelve-hour-workday. That and telling Paul about the time I cried going down the slopes at App Ski Mountain. Good times, good times.

I really shouldn't complain about my day, but that's what I've been doing. I fit into a size smaller pair of jeans today that I must have bought last year on clearance {because I know I did not wear that size last year.} That's a definite plus! And I laughed the whole way to work listening to Wake Up With Taylor on COSMO Radio and the local Ace & TJ Show {my two favorite morning shows}. That's something to be thankful for, right? ...Right!

I saw this on Pinterest tonight while I was watching two hours an hour and 45 minutes {I wasn't super into The Mindy Project} of comedy TV on FOX tonight. I love me some New Girl and tonight was the season premiere of Raising Hope. I had been missing that show!! Ben and Kate got me LOLing too, so, I'm probably going to add that to my list for now. I totally just got side-tracked {ADHD brain}... What I was saying was I saw this on Pinterest tonight:

Wow! What if??

I just want to say- Thank you, God, for loving me no matter how thankless or thankful I am. Thank you, for all your blessings, even those I find annoying and inconvenient.

It really makes you think, doesn't it? What if?

Friday's Food for Thought

via

This is oh so darn true and this has become more visible to me this week than ever before!

At times, you want to be right.

You will twist and turn any way you can just so at the end of the day You. Are. Right.  

Other days, it's about battles- and picking your battles wisely.

Alex has said before, "What good is it to win the battle and lose the war?"

I am raising him right! ;) Haha... {Juuuuust kidding}- but no really, what good is it?!

Sometimes it's better to be KIND and EMPATHETIC.

You know, ask yourself, "Would I want to be treated this way?"

And if the answer is a big fat N-O, then rearrange how you're going about doing whatever it is you're doing.

Also, sometimes you just need to sit still, stop talking, and LISTEN.

Others have things to say as well, and often times they will make good, valid points.

Sometimes it's even for your benefit to listen to others so you don't make the same mistake again. 

What's the most important, though, is-- when you stop worrying about being right, and start being kind, and stop what you're doing, and listen to others, and you realize that maybe, just maybe, you are not right you realize you need to APOLOGIZE.

Is it the end of the world?? I think not. 

It may or may not be a bruise to your ego, but consider it one of life's lessons and move on and GROW from the experience, rather than being stubborn, rude, "right," and inconsiderate. 

But hey, that's just my opinion.  

My rut somewhat explained

So, I'm not going to lie. I talk about being in a rut. I talk about being down & out. I talk about yada yada yada. The cold hard truth is that I am depressed.  {Hence the previous post.} I don't think I'm alone and I don't think I'll be this way forever. So, that's why I'm being honest.  Usually my blogs are about YouTube videos I like, what's going on in my life, or probably something pertaining to makeup.  I didn't mean to go all clinical on y'all on the last post, but I know some people are interested and some people are ignorant. 

It's been super hard for me lately. I don't know why. For whatever reason, the devil is trying to attack me from left and right and for another unknown reason, God's letting it happen.  {I like to think of myself as a modern day Job, haha.} But in all seriousness, I know this season in my life is God allowing the devil to kick me while I'm down, just so I will have no choice but to turn to God for relief from it all.   I know that true joy comes from the Lord and some days I feel like it's been 100% God & God only getting me out of the bed, getting me out the door, and putting on a happy face.  I want to be the best for my clients and I'm really trying.  I'm actually seeing some great results from some of my clients, which makes me feel like I am making a difference, which really does help.  

It also helps that I have some pretty wise clients.  Like I said in my last post, one of my clients told me, "85% of your circumstances come from your attitude and your actions."  And I reiterated saying It isn't always about what you're going through in life, but how you view your circumstances and what you do with them. 

I don't always take my own advice, but I'm working on it. I think, "If my client told me that, what would I say to them?" or "What homework would I give them?"  The thing is- I've never been good at doing homework, so, that's something I'm working on.  I know I must get through this patch and I am seriously working on it.  It takes time AND EFFORT, but most importantly, God.  Without Him, I don't know where I'd be.  I really don't.  I am thankful each and every day that I am where I am, because so many people have it so so so much worse.  We don't even know.  We can't even fathom.  And no, I'm not talking about the pot-bellied children in Africa that we see on the commercials.  I am talking about people in your very small hometown.  I am talking about people you went to high school with that you didn't even recognize.  Or people who you pass in the grocery store, or people you talk to each and every day.  We have no idea what people are going through, what they've been through, or what they will go through.  This isn't a big "love everybody" PSA, even though I think we should love everybody, haha, but I am just saying....BE. MORE. AWARE. and be more compassionate.  Help others, on purpose, and without seeking assistance in return.  

That has absolutely nothing to do with where I was going, but honestly, I promised a part two and I wanted to deliver a promised post {for once}. So, my mind is in a million places, but I hope you understand a tad bit of why.   Please keep me in your prayers.  I know there's things I need to do, but it's really really hard sometimes.  I want to do and I want to give and I need to learn to take care of myself before I can take care of others. But, I know I can do this! Alex has been super helpful, being extra sweet and encouraging lately, which is what I needed.  And I know that at the end of the day, it's all God's doing.  I just need the devil to LAY THE FREAK OFF so I can do my thang. ;)

and I need to remember these things:

Thanks Pinterest for your awesome motivational quotes tonight. 

Disrespecting September 11th

So, yesterday I did a co-worker a favor & subbed for a school worker. I was basically supposed to monitor this client who is on the autism spectrum and prompt him when he becomes distracted. Well, in his last class of the day, his English teacher wanted to show the class some videos of 9/11 that included visuals, audio recordings, timelines, etc. It was pretty educational to those who cared to listen because these "kids" were 4-6 years old on September 11, 2011.

Now, onto the part that INFURIATED me...

While watching the video(s), there were two class clowns complete A-holes who thought it would be cool or funny or whatever the heck their peanut brains thought to snicker, laugh, and make dumb comments. A conversation between one of them and the teacher went a little something like this:

Idiot Boy: "They should have never got their license."

Teacher: "Who?"

Idiot Boy: "The people driving the planes. They can't drive!"

Teacher: "They FLY the planes, and yes they could fly planes, they had their PILOT'S license."

Idiot Boy: "Well obviously they couldn't fly the planes. They should have never gotten their license. This was all their fault."

You see where I'm going here? COMPLETE idiot. Idiot's not even the word.

So they kept laughing, making fun of the videos, laughing out loud at the audio tapes of victims right before they died on the flights they were on, etc. ...SERIOUSLY.

So, there was a Deaf and Hard of Hearing interpreter in the room. She was obviously getting visibly upset and finally said, "WHY are you laughing? This is nothing to laugh about! I lost my son to a suicide bomber in Afghanistan because of this, and you are laughing!" She then preceded to remove herself from the classroom.

While she was gone, the teacher {who is still not on my favorite persons list} half-serious asked the student(s) why they were laughing and "informed them" that they had hurt her feelings. Uh, duh! The lead idiot then talked about how he shouldn't have to apologize to her, because it wasn't his fault that she was crying and that the videos were obviously humorous and wanted to know why they had to watch them.

I am being serious! This kid was serious!

That's when I politely interjected, saying, "Your teacher is trying to educate you on the events of that day because it's obvious you have no idea what happened."

At this time, I went with my student to this special break students could go on, so I was out of the room for most of the rest of the presentation. When we returned, the two A-holes were sitting in the hallway, together, laughing and cutting up.

"So, I guess you got kicked out of class."
"Yeah, she kicked us out."
"GOOD" was my response.

We caught the last five minutes of the presentation, while we had to keep the door open to "keep an eye on" the two in the hallway, whom we could still hear. Um, I don't know but about being an actual teacher, but I can guarantee you one thing- if those students were in MY classroom they sure would not be rewarded for completely offending everyone in the room.

I will give the teacher a little credit. When the idiots were instructed back into the classroom, she told them that if they said one more thing or laughed one more time that they were going to have to write down the names of every single victim of 9/11. I thought that was a great idea.

Now, I won't get really into the rest of my thoughts on the rest of what happened, but let's just say that this kid is a SUPER Obama fan. He can't tell you that you FLY instead of DRIVE a plane, and believes that 9/11 is at the fault of the pilots who lost their lives,  but he can tell you that Obama is the best President ever.
He can't tell you what Obama believes in, has attempted to do or succeeded in doing during his Presidency, or whether he's a Republican or a Democrat, but he can tell you that he's the best President ever. I'm sure he thought of that idea all on his own too.

Okay, {morals of the story is} parents of this generation:

• First of all, PLEASE for all of our sakes, educate your child on the events of September 11th because we are still witnessing the ramifications of this event. Yes, it happened 10 years ago, but it's still very relevant.
• Next, it would be nice to teach these kids some R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Seriously, this child was obviously not raised to know what the word even means. I wouldn't be surprised if he's not a contributing, upstanding citizen of our society one day. He needed the absolute crap beat out of him.
• If you want to sway your children on who which political member to support, please please please give them at least one political reason to support them and not because of the color of their skin. If you don't, they'll just look like a complete ignorant idiot.

Can you believe I even had to witness this crap?! What a SHAME!

Calling BS on Healthy Eating

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." -Kate Moss

Amen sister! Now, if we all could just get past that part about the food tasting good, we'd be set.


This article {that I'm totally going to copy & paste} called "Calling BS on Healthy Eating" sums it up pretty well!....

In the past year, my friends have started this sick disturbing trend of eating healthy. Green things that aren’t smokable are showing up to our potlucks with more and more frequency, leaving me awash in a sea of confusion as I carry a box of cupcakes to the table. “OMG, tempting but no thanks. I’ll just devour some more of this amazing kale and beet salad. God, I’m such a Kirstie Alley right now!”

Wait, did I miss the memo? When did we transition from college meals of spaghetti tossed in an Adderall reduction sauce to kale salads, market veggies, and seitan? I mean, I’m all about eating healthy because it makes you happy and skinny and is, like, good for you and stuff. And I’ve definitely noticed lately that our bodies are changing. We can’t just binge eat on pad thai and expect our body to forget about it. It’s gotten to the point where it never forgets. That being said, can we stop pretending that the junk food never happened? Can we stop pretending that the fourth meals, the Sour Patch Kids, and pizza did not exist? I know you’ve entered a new phase in your eating life but, come on. Show some love for the things that are bad for you. Give it a quick kiss.

The delusion is what bothers me. People would like you to believe that eating a bowl of lettuce is comparable to a slice of red velvet cake. “Oh wow, I’m so hungover right now. This lettuce really hit the spot.” No, it didn’t! I want to scream at them (complete with waving my arms wildly in public) about their sordid past. I want to remind them of the food we used to embrace together. Fact: Food that will clog your arteries and kill you tastes the best. It’s one of life’s cruelest jokes and the primary reason why losing weight is so difficult. Saying no to the things that feel good in the moment but ultimately hurt us is a struggle in everyone’s life. Even though I’m happy to see my friends win the battle, I also secretly want to poison their brussel sprouts with some deep fried bread crumbs.

I just want things to be out in the open. I want people to say that eating healthy is sort of a bitch and, yes, I would like a bite of that cupcake. I would like Jennifer Aniston to admit that she has a good body because she’s extremely disciplined, works out constantly and rarely succumbs to any food cravings. Let’s just be real. Keeping fit is hard work so stop pretending that your prohibitive diet is delicious. It makes all of the people who aren’t as fit feel bad about themselves. “Why don’t I love broccoli as much as my friend does? Is something wrong with me?! Should I be craving brown rice right now instead of a burrito?!” Hell no. Eating healthy is all about eating the brown rice while imagining it to be a giant burrito. Don’t let anyone tell you different.

Can I get another Amen?!

On a related side note... I wonder if I've lost weight. People keep telling me that I look like I have, but I don't know if I have. I don't think I'm going to find out either, even though I found my scale today. It'd just piss me off to be working out, eating better, doing cardio until I throw up and to NOT lose weight. Numbers don't really mean anything to me anyways. If I can get into my old jeans, I'd be a happy girl. 

This seriously happened.

So, basically over a month ago I signed up to take the Praxis. It's a test you have to take {and pass} to become a licensed school counselor.  Two days before my test, my dad asked me to help him with his yard sale. Yep, the day of my big test. Him not having any more help and me, being the generous daughter I am, offered to get up at the buttcrack of dawn, go get us breakfast, and then help him for a few hours before I had to head to Hickory to take my test at 10:45.  So, that's what I did. It only takes about 30 minutes to get to Hickory so I left around 10:00, hoping to get there early and be ready to take the test. I get there about 15 minutes early, got myself a good parking spot, and went inside. There were SO many people in line and there for a while, the line was not moving. I didn't know I'd have to wait in line forever. Come to find out, the "test start time" is just a made up time they want you to be there and get in line; generally, the test doesn't start until about 30 minutes after you thought it would. 

Well, I forgot my admission ticket. You know, the paper you need to register. I didn't think I had time to find an open computer lab on campus and print another one off. But, then again, hindsight is 20/20- I was in that line for half an hour.  I thought, it's totally okay...I have the admission ticket in my email and I'll just show it to the person at the desk from my phone when I get up there. No big deal, right? WRONG! 

So I'm in line half an hour, get up to the lady at the desk, and it was a woman I knew from campus. I told her I didn't have my paper but showed her my admission ticket on my phone.

"It's okay, you don't really even need that paper anyways, as long as you're on this checksheet." 

Great! Okay...

She then proceeded to circle my test and room number, wrote my registration number on the back of that paper since I didn't have my admission ticket, and told me my test room was upstairs.
Phew! Okay. That was easier than I thought it was going to be... On to take my test!! 

I went upstairs to my test room and waited for the 3rd test taker to arrive. Yep, there is a building full of Praxis test takers and our test has a whopping three test takers. 

The administrator tells us to put everything away and keep our admission ticket and our ID on our desks during the test.

"I don't have my admission ticket. It's okay though, I showed it to the lady at the desk on my phone and she checked me off the list and sent me up here. I have my registration number though."

She said that was fine, and I sat there and waited.
She started to read the standardized test instructions and then all of a sudden she must have read something to spark her memory and said, "Oh no! Wait! You have a phone!!"

"Yeah, I do. I had to use it to show the lady my admission ticket. But it's okay. It's turned off, in my purse, and under my desk." What else do you want, lady? It's not like I can use it to cheat or something.

"Well ETS rules STRICTLY PROHIBIT the possession of cell phones in the building."

Yes, she said in the building.
She then went and got one of the posters that are plastered all over the place.

"See?! It says NO CELL PHONES and having one will result in the dismissal of the test."

Are you SERIOUS?

Yes, I saw the posters, but it was a big red circle with a line through it over a phone with a bunch of writing on it. I just thought it was saying you can't your phones into your test, have them out, or use them in some way during the test. You know, the usual, non-psychotic cell phone rules.

"I'm going to have to call the head lady up here and ASK HER WHAT TO DO because THIS SAYS that you should be DISMISSED."

"Yeah, call her up here because my phone is turned off, in my purse, and under my seat."

She called the lady up and it was the lady I had met with downstairs!
"Yes, ETS rules strictly prohibit cell phones in the testing centers."

"But I just showed it to you because I didn't have my admission ticket and thought I needed it. It's not even turned on. It's not on my desk. I'm not using it. It didn't go off. I don't get it. There are probably at least 100 people here with cell phones in their possession. Why am I being singled out?!"

"Ma'am, you're not being singled out. These are the rules. They're not MY rules."

"After you saw the phone YOU sent me upstairs. I assumed all was well. Why NOW is this an issue? This is an expensive test {$150} and I have waited months to take it."

"Well, I can call ETS and explain the situation to them but I KNOW what they're going to say."

"Yes, please do because again, this was expensive and I need to take this test. I haven't done anything wrong."

She comes back and says that ETS said that I was to be dismissed for having a cell phone in my possession in the testing center.
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?
"I'm sorry," she said.

"Yeah, you sound like you're sorry."

I was livid. I tried to keep my cool though.
As I left the room, the test administrator apologized to me as well.
SERIOUSLY LADY, stuff your bull crap apology up your butt because if you would have just been NORMAL and let me keep my phone OFF and UNDER MY DESK then none of this would have happened.

Now I have to file an appeal and see what I can do about scheduling to take this test AGAIN and HOPEFULLY not having to pay another $150.
Why the test administrator was a freaking psychotic Nazi, I don't know.
Why I was overlooked and then singled out, I don't know.
Why it's such a big deal if someone has POSSESSION of a cell phone in the test BUILDING, I DON'T KNOW!

But anyways, my rant is over. What's done is done. Lesson learned: read signs and be prepared.
But man, did that burn me up!!
Can you tell? Haha

Oh, just some rambling...

I know every year has it's ups and downs, but this year's definitely been a rough one.
Luckily I have some fun things to look forward to coming up... and I still have 4 months left of this year to keep working on making it the best year ever.
My goal every New Years is to make "this year" the best year ever.

Between Pat's diagnosis, family issues, summer school ruining my summer, and practically having zero break between the three semesters of the year has really just taken a toll on me.
I AM TIRED!
I keep telling everyone that this year I need to be working on getting some sleep.
A bed time would be nice...
and sleeping the whole night through would be even more fabulous!
I don't want to sleep in as late as I do, but if you go to bed as late as I do, it's needed!
I don't ever feel like I waste my days away because I am still probably up and going at everything on my to-do list in the hours that I'm awake just as many hours as a "normal person."
It's just not healthy and I've got to do better.

We are already doing better this year as an Ike unit...
{note that I did not say better than last year. I am not comparing staffs because I can already go ahead & tell you...they both ROCK!}
...the students all survived their first weekend away from Momma and Daddy and there wasn't a flood on any halls!
Move-in went flawless and I have my fabulous staff to thank for that!
I feel like it's going to be a great school year! :)

I started my first class of the semester tonight.
This semester's going to KICK. MY. BUTT.
4 classes, working at the gym, doing the RD thing, and trying to find time to see family, friends, and Alex... man!
This is going to be a doozy!
I feel like it's been forever since I've been home and actually had time to spend there.
Any time I go it's for a reason, I have an agenda, and I'm in and out and back to Hickory before I know it.
Which isn't too too bad because I love living in Hickory!
I just wish that everyone I loved also lived in Hickory.

I do miss going to church.
I need to find a good church in Hickory.
I sure would miss Mike Devine's preaching though!

Anyways, back on the school subject... this is my last full semester of classes!
Ever!
And I mean it this time!
I will not.. I repeat: I will NOT be going to get my PhD so, yes, this is my last full semester of classes.
Next semester I will be doing a school counseling internship at a local high school while I take one class,
then next summer I will be doing an agency counseling internship SOMEwhere
{Lord, find me a place!} while I take my last elective class.

So do you know what that means??

THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS!

{I'll say to August 1st because, well, if I'm not done by then I might cry!}

So, in only 342 days, I will be DONE with graduate school,
either beginning a new job or job searching {Lord, guide me!}
and starting a new life!

I better enjoy my job, all the fabulous people that are in my life, and the flexibility I have in my schedule right now.
Don't get me wrong.... I'M BUSY, but my schedule is pretty flexible.
That I love.
I don't have an 8-5 job and Lord help me if I ever do!

So do you know what that means?

It means I have 342 days to
ENJOY, and EMBRACE.
No time for being down or worrying.
I put my whole life in God's hands and trust Him to work it all out!
I HAVE to... or else I would have gone crazy a looooong time ago! :)

on my heart

This is a total candid venting session slash truth moment from me: 

I'm sure we all have that friend or those friends that we love so much that we hate to see them make poor decisions, and that could be ANY poor decision. We obviously wouldn't and shouldn't care so much if it's not that big of a deal, so obviously, we think our friend's life is being affected so much in such a negative away that it makes us sad. Well, for me, it really breaks my heart. My friends mean a whole whole lot to me, and I hate to see them regret things, hurt, or worry.

It's true- I have been known to wear my heart on my sleeve and say what I think. I am not one to tell you something for the sole purpose of making you feel good if I truly believe in my heart of hearts that it is in fact not good for you. Please know, the reason I am not praising or congratulating you for whatever it is in your life is not out of hate, jealousy, or whatever reason you can come up with for why I act the way I do. It's because I actually like {no, LOVE} you...it's because I think you're worth more and deserve better...it's because I hate that life has made you think that you have to settle for less than perfect for you, or that someone less than perfect IS perfect for you. I am not coming up to you and saying "oh my gosh, you are making the worst decision ever, again!"...I am just simply saying nothing if I have nothing good to say. Don't be offended. I know that's easier said than done {trust me, I am learning that lesson myself currently!} but seriously...take it as a compliment from me if you can. Don't be upset if I don't join in with your other friends, please. I just don't like seeing people I care about making poor decisions that I know they will regret later. Can you blame me for that? If you can, accept my apologies. I will always try to be here for my friends, and I mean always. I pride myself in my loyalty to my true friends. I am not rooting for your failure, but worry about it because I wish you the best in everything. As life happens you see patterns unfold and I can only hope for you that this time, this decision, this move works out for you. I was going to say "works out for the best" but I know everything happens for the best anyways and, well, your actions are not screaming that you expect the best. But if, just if, I am right- then I'll be here and I won't even say "I told you so." Because that's what true friends are for.

I think we all can relate. Sometimes the best thing we all can say is not a thing in the world. 

What is your life screaming?