Total rambling on my part....rambling with a purpose

I love how the Lord moves in you when you least expect it.

I know how people say God gives you a peace beyond understanding, but for this season in my life, I am praying for energy & motivation  beyond understanding! The Lord needs not only to move in me, but move ME! Set my heart on fire for what HE desires in my life & help me move towards that goal. I'm telling you now, it won't happen otherwise. I am human. I am lazy. I lack(ed) motivation. I procrastinate. I at times wish to take the easy route. So God, I know you're listening: Get. Me. Going!

I am excited about starting anew. Starting a new day, a new week, a new semester, a new internship, new friendships, and my new business in Mary Kay! The desire of my heart is to make things different, BE BETTER in all that I do. Put forth more of myself & make more of an effort.

I realized (one of) my problem(s). I have a lot I want to do, and get overwhelmed with that to-do I-want list, that I just say, "I'll get to it." And then by the end of the day, I'm tired, and that "I'll get to it" turns into "I'll get to that tomorrow." And then tomorrow it was, "What was I gonna do again?" & while I think about it, I get on Facebook! Oh, the life...

So tonight I began my list of everything I want to accomplish in a day. That way, I can attempt to hold myself accountable when I sit on Facebook. I can ask myself, "what else do I have to do before I can spend time on here?" Because Lord knows I will be on Facebook, getting sleepy, & then head to bed without getting what needs to be done done! There are silly things on this list, like "make the bed" but I am so Type-A. I need a list. I need to check things off the list. And if it's not on a list, it might not get done. What can I say? I am my father's daughter.

Tonight I was going through my Mary Kay order, sorting everything out & bagging everything into cute pink bags with ribbon, and I came across my new microdermabrasion set. {Please note that I also have ADD, so, I am easily distracted.} I thought, "Oh wow! I wanna try that tonight!" but I am so weird about applying skin care. I want it to be first thing in the morning or right before bed. So what did I need to do? Get in the shower & wash my face so I can use the microdermabrasion set. I always get so side-tracked with what I need to be doing {clean my kitchen!} & go off into LaLa land, doing what hit me that very moment. That's got to stop or else I'll get nothing done. BUT, my face feels FABULOUS tonight!!

Side note: In the shower I had some NICE prayer time with the man upstairs! I love it when that happens! I feel like the shower is "my prayer closet" as my preacher, Mike Devine, calls it. It is a {pretty dim lit} "box" where I am warm & comfortable & not worried about anything or anyone else. It's the perfect time for one-on-one with God if you have time to just stand there under the relaxing hot water. :) In that prayer time, I developed my "I Story" for my business, which is my inspiration for joining Mary Kay and what I hope to achieve in the future. I would love to share it with you some time.

My simple point in this was to say that I am excited for the future. Excited for the days & weeks to come. Excited to see my business grow and for this semester to be one of the best, as well as fly by! ;) I am excited to see what GOD will do in my life and who He will bring into it! Lord, prepare my heart for this season because I can not do it without you!!

OH! & another thing I want to start doing is GETTING PLACES EARLY! If you know me, you know I'm never early and rarely on time. I am sorry. It's inconvenient, rude, and so on & so forth. I know and I never intend to be late it always "just happens!" I want to strive to be on time, and early if possible, but let's not get carried away. So what does that mean? Ok, so, I have to be somewhere at 9:45ish in the morning. I will be realistic and give myself two hours to shower, dry & fix my hair, apply my makeup, eat breakfast, find something to wear, & take my dog out. {Yep, that will take about 2 hours} What does that mean? I have to get up at the latest by 7:45. The dishes need to be done and a(nother) load of laundry started. I am going to set my alarm for 6:45, snooze til 7 {a bad habit of mine I don't think I'll ever be able to break} & get up & see what I can get done in those 45 extra minutes I gave myself!

It's 1:33AM now, which means I will hardly get five hours of sleep. Ironically enough, another thing I absolutely have to start doing is get more sleep. Good thing I'm sleepy now so it probably won't take my usual 30-45 mins to get to sleep.  Let me tell you: five hours of sleep isn't nearly enough for me, so pray for me as I begin my day tomorrow. Pray I can get up & get going! Pray I stay productive during the day. Pray I can get everything on my list done. It's realistic. It's possible! Let's just hope that I maintain this blessing I call motivation that I received tonight out of nowhere. I am praying for energy & motivation beyond understanding...because Lord knows this girl needs more than 5 hours of sleep!!

Any suggestions you wanna send my way as I begin this venture to betterness? Send them my way! & I apologize if this was complete nonsense-sounding, rambling to the nth degree. It's late; forgive me!

Friday Focus: Dealing with Worry....

I saw this message on Kimberly's blog. It is such a great message. We worry like crazy over things that would work themselves out with a short amount of time. The worry box is such a good idea that I would like to try...I don't know how successful I would be "setting aside a time to worry" but I would love to journal {but what did I say about me & journaling?} my worries & then later go back & see how {& how quickly} they worked themselves out, not needing the worry! 



"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" -Matthew 6:25-27


"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." -Psalm 55:22


"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:34


"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." -Proverbs 3:5-6 (New Living Translation)


"An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up." -Proverbs 12:25

Food for thought: Forgiveness

Then Peter came up to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I'll tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." -Matthew 18:21-22

Forgiveness has really been a key issue in my life lately. I go back to this verse when I am feeling defeated by others, contemplating forgiveness. I am human! I sin! I sometimes have to THINK about forgiving people, wondering if they are worthy of my forgiveness, time, and emotion. I have to remember that the exact wording of this verse is very important: I must forgive my brother (everyone) when they sin against me. Sometimes I get so bogged down because "people" aren't doing the right thing. I get mad when others make stupid choices, causing grief for those closest to them, myself included at times. I take it all personally. I've even been known to hold a grudge or two in my time {believe it or not, HA!} My thought process is flawed because simply: I am human. However, I can not use my "humanness" as justification for continuing to live in sin. I can and should only forgive those that have sinned against me. If others are sinning against others or against God, I need to pray for them. I should not take it personally or hold a grudge. If I do, then *I* am the one needing forgiveness! They have not sinned against me, therefore, forgiveness from me is not needed. {Gosh I hope my rambling is making sense.}

This passage really opened my eyes...

1 John:
1:5: This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and His word has no place in our lives.

2:1: My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world. We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him.

This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.

That pretty much sums it up for me. One thing I can say for myself is {as you can also see above} I have never claimed to be perfect. I will shout it from the rooftops that I am NOT perfect! I am far from it actually and like everyone else, have my good days and have my bad days. Lucky for me, I am saved by the love and grace of Jesus Christ. The passage above reminds me that because I am a Christian, and have accepted Christ as my Savior, then when I do have my "bad days," my heavenly Father goes to bat for me. He speaks to HIS father on MY behalf, asking that I be forgiven. What an amazing thought! What an amazing thing! What an amazing Savior I have!

Forgiving one another is the hardest thing to do and the most beneficial. As God's chosen people we are to forgive all {did you hear that? ALL} grievances we have between one another because of the example set forth to us by Christ.

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. -Colossians 3:12-14

and lastly....

And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your failings and shortcomings. -Mark 11:25-26, Amplified

This is why it is SO important and beneficial for us to forgive. Jesus can not do us that mighty favor by going to bat for us when we have our bad days if we have hate in our hearts, if we are holding grudges, if we are choosing to not forgive someone, for anything, no matter what. As 1st John says, if we are living in Him, we must walk as Jesus did (forgivingly). I personally do not want to sacrifice MY forgiveness, at the cost of living a life full of hate. Doesn't make sense at all to me why anyone would.

If you are choosing to hold a grudge, not forgiving someone, for anything, reconsider. The price is far too high and not even close to worth it, especially when you think about how trivial some of your grievances are. Let your light shine! Do not choose to be held captive in the darkness for another minute.

It's never too late
to turn everything around.

My daily affirmation inspiration!

Have you seen this video on YouTube? Lucy Parker Photography posted this video on her blog and I felt I just HAD to share it with you. How awesome is this little girl?? We all have so many things to be thankful for, and we need to realize what we have been blessed with!

Welcome to Holland

I found a new Facebook group tonight for people diagnosed with "Lebers" (LHON). In the discussion posts, which I'm finding very helpful, a lady posted this poem, saying,

"I found this story soon after my son was diagnosed with LHON, and it helped me to understand and to explain to others the adjustment my family and I had to make to "our new reality." I hope posting it here will help others who are also learning to cope with it."

Welcome to Holland
by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...... When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Colosseum, Michelangelo‘s David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

I consider finding this a blessing! I really do. It puts things into perspective. It shows that just because you aren't living the life you planned, you are living the life that God planned for you, and it'll be great- as long as you remember that this ride will be just as good as the one you had planned to take...maybe even better! You can't spend your whole life thinking about what could have been, otherwise you're going to miss all the blessings you are receiving right now! Use all your trials and tribulations to glorify God; be an example to those around you! Show everyone that nothing, not even being diagnosed with a disability will keep you from shining your light and praising God!

I know life is hard sometimes, but it's the hard times God faces you with that are meant to bring you closer to Him. I know I can't completely understand; but I care, and I try to understand, and I'll do anything in my power to help. This is just the beginning of a long, hard, and fulfilling road we must all take together.

I love you baby brother! ♥ :)

My future in counseling

I just watched the movie Precious...finallly! I had heard SO many good things about the movie and couldn't wait to actually come to a Red Box and see it available to rent! To make a long story short: the movie is intense and I absolutely loved it!

The movie did get me thinking about my future in counseling. I know that, unfortunately, the things that Precious had to endure is going on in our home towns. You don't have to travel to Harlem to experience physical abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, incest, rape, hatred, or anything else equally as horrible. Most of these situations go unnoticed. Unless the student becomes a problem, then their home life may be investigated. That is not okay with me. However, I wonder what process these "children" face once they make their home life situations known. Do they visit with a social worker on a regular basis? Are they taken out of their home immediately? Are they still in any danger? Are they seeking counseling?

I know I'm in the beginning stages of learning counseling theories, techniques, ethics, etc... but one day, when I'm ready, I want to be able to help people, genuinely help people. Someone like Precious needed HELP, someone to talk to, someone to listen, someone who will take her seriously and work on changing/fixing the SERIOUS problems. I'd like to be that person for someone someday. That's a personal dream of mine. I don't know where God will lead me. I don't know if I'll ever be a counselor, honestly. Everything in life is  God-willed... I know that. But, if I could choose how my counseling career would go, I'd like to make a difference.

I'm so indecisive. There are things I know I absolutely do not want to do. And there's things I'd like to do, and then there's things I'd love to do. I would love to be that liaison for a child in need. On a completely different note, at times I think I would love to work as a counselor, counseling clients who have recently been diagnosed with a life-altering diagnoses. Or with families whose children may have recently been diagnosed with some sort of ailment. I know when you are diagnosed with something, you have all these sudden worries, fears, anticipations, goals, anxieties...feelings...and it would definitely be beneficial to speak to a professional counselor about everything going on. I would love love love to do that!

Watch, I'll probably be a middle school guidance counselor. Haha....

Time will tell. I just thought I'd share some of my long-term goals with you tonight. :)

Layla Grace

A Facebook friend of mine posted a link to a blog a couple weeks ago. Out of sheer curiosity I clicked the link and became obsessed!

Meet Layla Grace....

You can find more info on Layla at http://laylagrace.org/ but, I feel I must share this story with you.

Layla, this precious little girl was described as a great eater, great sleeper, and a sweet little cuddle monkey who had an advanced vocabulary for her age. Her mother writes that she had a great 15 month checkup but at around 16 months Layla's sleeping and eating habits changed and she became more irritable. Time passed. Her parents thought they had a picky eater on their hands. A ear infection was said to be the blame for a swollen eye Layla woke up one morning with, and her hard and distended belly was treated with medication for constipation. After another weekend of no dirty diapers, she was referred to a GI specialist who ran some tests.

Layla has a massive cancerous tumor (Stage 4 Neuroblastoma) in her abdomen. It extends from above her left kidney, around her side, over her belly and wraps around her aorta. In addition, the cancer is in her bone marrow. Sweet little Layla went from normal happy and healthy to lethargic, in pain, and skin and bones in a matter of a week and a half.

Frequent updates on Layla’s status can be found at http://www.twitter.com/laylagrace.

The Marsh Family can be reached at: fightforlayla@gmail.com.

Now, I do not share this story with you to depress you. I do not share this story with you to scare all the new mothers out there who happen to be reading this blog. If you have some spare time, take the time to read the blog Layla's mother is writing. Of course she is not choosing to blog over spending her dying daughter's last moments with her. Layla sleeps a lot and her mother is finding a way to pass the time, vent, express her emotions, and update the CRAZY amount of people and celebrities who have been following Layla's story. Sometimes I think posting information that is too personal on Facebook is at times inappropriate, but I recently learned that sometimes Facebook, email, blogs, and Twitter can sometimes be the best way of communicating with a large group of people. Just imagine if Layla's mother had to personally update each person on Layla's condition each time she was asked. Thank you, Lord, for technology! And I know that blogging really at times is a form of venting. It's free therapy! (if it's working!)

Yesterday Layla's mother wrote this:

My relationship with God has grown so much the past few months. That is all Layla’s doing. I’m so grateful that I was blessed with this angel on earth. She has taught me patience, faith, strength, grace and love. She has continued to amaze me over and over again.

 And that is why I am sharing this story with you. This is probably one of a family's worst nightmare stories. I could see this emotionally scarring a person, a mother, for life. I could see this depressing her beyond belief.  I could see this causing so much anger and hatred for God in her heart that she never turns back to Him again. I can see how some would say "God is not answering her prayers" and "God is letting this innocent little girl die." But WOW! This mother is taking one of the worst things a mother would ever have to face, and is letting it bring her CLOSER to God!

She also posted this verse yesterday:

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

-2 Corninthians 4:7-12, 16-18

On February 28th, her mother wrote:

Still, we kept praying expecting a miracle. Never give up hope, that’s our motto. God doesn’t bring the bad, he brings the good. But we knew in the back of our minds that it might be part of God’s plan for her to return home to Him. It’s not too much of a stretch to believe that God’s work with Layla here on earth is nearly complete.

 She has the right idea! She is being an example of true FAITH to us all! You never ever ever give up hope, and give your life (and the life of your children) up to God, trusting that whatever He chooses, life or death, peace or pain, will be a part of His perfect and pleasing will, giving glory to Him! I know she's struggling. But her testimony is and will be so powerful! She is a hero of mine! And not only her, but all of the people who are in pain and still find a way to trust that God has a plan and whatever it may be, you're happily along for the ride!

I know that Layla Grace is not the only child suffering from cancer. I know that her mother is not the only person that is being a great example of someone who has TRUE faith in the Lord. This site and story was simply brought to my attention, and I felt the need to share. I hope it touches your heart and teaches you the many lessons it has seemed to teach me lately as I've been reading. I will continue to pray for Layla and her family as they go through these last days, and also for her family as they cope with the loss of their daughter. However, God performs miracles everyday (so don't think I'm giving up hope!)

http://laylagrace.org/

Follow Layla on Twitter

Update February 2015: I believe the website is no more and the Twitter account looks like it is no longer being updated. Praying that the family has coped well with the loss of their beautiful daughter and that the Layla Grace Foundation is a success.