Secrets of a Newlywed

Disclaimer: I surely have my own "secrets of a newlywed," haha, but this is not where I'm going. I'm sorry to disappoint if you've clicked a link and headed to read all my juicy newlywed secrets. ;) But don't go away! Keep reading, it'll do ya some good! ;)

I've stumbled upon a great (blog) read for you newlyweds, newlyweds-to-be, or marriage "pros" who aren't too big-headed to accept some possible tips or new ways of thinking. It's a Christian blog series (don't pre-judge!) on things you may or may not have thought about, things you think are issues only you and your new spouse are having, or things you're sure are things that need to be corrected in your relationship.

Secrets of a Newlyed by Life Blessons 

I love that I have time off to find new blogs to read. For whatever reason, I much prefer to read blogs than books. I think it has something to do with links within blogs. If you're interested in a subject, it'll lead you to what originally sparked the topic, or to another post, which will in turn to the same. I really could get lost in blogs for hours if I don't watch it. But I found this series really interesting, informative, and (actually) entertaining. She speaks of some taboo things (such as sex- ahhh!) that we in the Christian community don't openly discuss as much. More power to her!

But I just thought I'd share this tidbit today with "all you" blog readers of mine in case this sparks some of your interest & you want to click on over to the list of articles and read for yourself. :)

♥,
Nicole

Mens' Rules (to Women)

My friend Caitlin sent me this forward today in an email. I like {some} forwards and this is one that made me laugh. I also find it crazy that it's almost exactly like an even older forward I {must have} got five years ago. Literally. Read it. It's funny how this thing is still in circulation, and how it changed a bit in the last five years! But anyways, the 2011 version reads as follows:

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are OUR rules:
Please note… these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Saturday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

* Subtle hints do not work!
* Strong hints do not work!
* Obvious hints do not work!
* JUST SAY IT!

1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:

* Sex,
* Sport,
* Cars,
* or Computers

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, it’s like camping

Made to Crave

I can't wait to receive this in the mail and begin reading it! I have heard TOO many amazing things about this author and this book in particular. It's Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst, a Proverbs 31 Ministries author. There's a whole Made to Crave website you can check out too!

I ordered the book from http://bookdepository.com/ which has free worldwide shipping & sales on tons of books! Y'all know I don't buy anything at full retail price! Hopefully I'll remember to tell you how much I love the book! :)

Crazy Love: Chapter 1: Stop Praying

"What if I said, 'Stop praying'? What if I told you to stop talking at God for a while, but instead to take a long, hard look at Him before you speak another word? Solomon warned us not to rush into God's presence with words. That's what fools do. And often, that's what we do."

"We are slow to listen, quick to speak, and quick to become angry." ... {wait, that's not how it goes!}

"Have you ever thought about how diverse and creative God is?" and then Francis Chan goes on to talk about crazy facts such as: a caterpillar's head has 228 separate and distinct muscles, the average elm tree has 6 million leaves on it, and spiders have oily feet to keep them from getting stuck in their own webs. We may or may not know these crazy facts...but if we did already know about them, have we ever marveled at them?

"Whatever God's reason for such diversity, creativity, and sophistication in the universe, on earth, and in our own bodies, the point of it all is His glory. God's art speaks of Himself, reflecting who He is and what He is like."

"I sometimes struggle with how to properly respond to God's magnitude in a world-bent on ignoring or merely tolerating Him. But know this: God will not be tolerated. He instructs us to worship and fear Him. "

"There is an epidemic of spiritual amnesia going around, and none of us is immune. No matter how fascinating the details we learn about God's creation, no matter how many pictures we see of His galaxies, and no matter how many sunsets we watch, we still forget. - Most of us know that we are supposed to read our Bibles and pray so that we can get to know Him better; that we are supposed to worship Him with our lives. But actually living it out is challenging."

"It may sound "un-Christian" to say that on some mornings I don't feel like loving God, or I just forget to. But I do. In our world, where hundreds of things distract us from God, we have to intentionally and consistently remind ourselves of Him."

"We need [reminders] about God's goodness. We are programmed to focus on what we don't have, bombarded multiple times throughout the day with what we need to buy that will make us feel happier or sexier or more at peace. This dissatisfaction transfers over to our thinking about God. We forget that we already have everything we need in Him."

"The preposterous part about our doing this to God is that He already has a name, an identity. We don't get to decide who God is. 'God said to Moses, "I am who I am" (Ex. 3:14). We don't change that."

To say that God is holy is to say that He is set apart, distinct from us. And because of this set apart-ness, there is no way we can ever fathom all of who He is. He is perfectly set apart, with nothing and no one to compare Him to. That is what it means to be "holy."

Isn't it a comfort to worship a God we cannot exaggerate?

God exists outside of time, and since we are within time, there is no way we will ever totally grasp that concept. - Not being able to fully understand God is frustrating, but it is ridiculous for us to think we have the right to limit God to something we are capable of comprehending. What a stunted, insignificant god that would be! God is so much bigger than our time-encased, air/food/sleep-dependent lives.

God is all-knowing. Isn't that an intimidating thought?
Each of us, to some degree, fool our friends and family about who we really are. But it's impossible to do that with God. He knows who we are and what we're about. When I grow weary of trying to be faithful to Him and want a break, it doesn't come as a surprise to God.

It is sobering to realize that this is the same God who is holy and eternal, the Maker of the billions of galaxies and thousands of tree species in the rainforest. This is the same God that takes the time to know all the little details about each of us. He does not have to know us so well, but He chooses to.

God is all-powerful. Colossians 1:16 tells us that everything was created by God and for God.
Don't we live instead as though God created for us, to do our bidding, to bless us, and to take care of our loved ones?

Psalm 115:3 reveals, "Our God is in heaven: he does whatever pleases Him." Yet we keep on questioning Him. The answer to each one of our questions is simply this: because He's God. He has more of a right to ask us why so many people are starving. 

Can you worship a God who isn't obligated to explain His actions to you? Could it be your arrogance that makes you think God owes you an explanation?

God is fair and just. God is the only Being who is good, and the standards are set by Him. Because God hates sin, He has to punish those guilty of sin. Maybe that's not an appealing standard. But to put it bluntly, when you get your own universe, you can make your own standards.

When we disagree, let's not assume it's His reasoning that needs correction.

{Click here to read the rest of my Crazy Love notes!}

Crazy Love: Preface

"To just read the Bible, attend church, and avoid "big" sins--is this passionate, wholehearted love for God?"
-François Fénelon, The Seeking Heart


I love this thought: We blame "the American church" for the way it "behaves" today without acknowledging that we are a PART of this "church" and are partly to blame!


It says this book is for those who want more Jesus, who are bored with American Christianity offers, who doesn't want to plateau, and for those who would rather die before their convictions do. What a bold statement! {I love it!}

"We need to stop giving people excuses not to believe in God. You've probably heard the expression "I believe in God, just not organized religion." I don't think people would say that if the church truly lived like we are called to live. The expression would change to "I can't deny what the church does, but I don't believe in their God." At least then they'd address their rejection of God rather than use the church as a scapegoat."

"The core problem isn't the fact that we're lukewarm, halfhearted, or stagnant Christians. The crux of it all is why we are this way, and it is because we have an inaccurate view of God. We see Him as a benevolent Being who is satisfied when people manage to fit Him into their lives in some small way. We forget that God never had an identity crisis. He knows that's He's great and deserves to be the center of our lives.  Jesus came humbly as a servant, but He never begs us to give Him some small part of ourselves. He commands everything from His followers."

"Come with me on this journey. I don't promise it will be painless. Change, as we all know, is uncomfortable. It is all up to you to respond to what you read. But you will have a choice: to adjust how you live daily or to stay the same."

{Click here to read the rest of my Crazy Love notes!}

The Five Love Languages... Chapter Three

Chapter Three: Falling in Love

First of all, let me say that when I hear "falling in love" I think about a couple things. I think about "movie love" where there's a music montage full of first kisses and flowers in the park and ball games where you're dressed alike... you know, movie love! I also think about annoying middle schoolers, or high schoolers that act like middle schoolers, or come to find out there's college-aged people that do the same thing- & that's "fall in love" on day one! They're saying "I love you" and posting the date of when they started dating (a week ago) on every Facebook status. They're just so annoying. A month later there's a new date, and a new name, and a new false "I love you" being proclaimed. I really just want to shake some sense into people sometimes! But anyways... ;)

Everyone agrees that being "in love" is the necessary foundation for a good marriage. Now, that, I agree with. {Well, I don't agree with the fact that everyone agrees, but I agree that you're marriage is going to be pretty shotty if going INTO it at least you wouldn't be able to say you were "in love."}

Welcome to the real world of marriage, where hairs are always on the sink and little white spots cover the mirror, where arguments center on which way the tissue paper comes off and whether the lid should be up or down. It is a world where shoes do not walk into the closet and drawers do not close themselves, where coats do not like hangers and socks go AWOL during laundry. In this world, a look can hurt and a word can crush. Intimate lovers can become enemies, and marriage a battlefield. What happened to the "in love" experience? Our problem was faulty information. The bad information was the idea that the "in love" obsession would last forever. We should have known better. 

First, falling in love is not act of the will or a conscious choice. No matter how much we may want to fall in love, we cannot make it happen.

Now...I am not knocking those of you who truly believe you are in love! For some of you, I believe you are too! That is a wonderful thing. Embrace it! The point of this chapter, and something I firmly agree with, is the fact that that feeling will not last forever! There will come a time when you will fight, be hurt, second guess, say things you don't mean, or just simply act selfishly {which is human nature, by the way.} That doesn't mean you give up, or you do not love the person anymore, it just means that that infatuation stage has passed, and it's time for REAL love {so that's a good thing!}

We should recognize the in-love experience for what it is--a temporary emotional high--and now pursue "real love" with our spouse. That kind of love is emotional in nature but not obsessional. {Nobody likes an obsessed person.} It is a love that unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of the will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth. Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct.

 I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving. 

That kind of love requires effort and discipline. It is the choice to expend energy in an effort to benefit the other person, knowing that if his or her life is enriched by your effort, you too will find a sense of satisfaction--the satisfaction of having genuinely loved another. It does not require the euphoria of the "in love" experience. In fact, true love cannot begin until the "in love" experience has run its course.

Now, I can see how you fellow hopeless romantics out there may not like this chapter. Where's the shooting stars, the balloons, the deep emotions? What about the spirit of anticipation, the twinkle of the eye, the electricity of a kiss, the excitement of sex? What about the emotional security of knowing that I am number one in his/her mind? Well that's what the book is all about. Meeting each other's need to feel loved, bringing back that infatuation {maybe back, maybe not} into the relationship, to stay, for good! :) If you keep your love's love tank full, you'll be good to go!!

The Five Love Languages... Chapter Two

Chapter Two: Keeping the Love Tank Full

This chapter is basically about the following:

• Psychologists have concluded that the need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need.
• The need to feel loved by one's spouse is at the heart of marital desires.
• Inside every person is an "emotional tank" waited to be filled with love.
• Material things are no replacement for human, emotional love.
• Whatever quality of your relationship now, it can always be better.

I especially liked that last part. Some people think "they don't need help." and that their relationships are "fine." Honestly, it could always be better!  Because you work on better communicating and making your love happy, doesn't mean there was a flaw in your system. It just means that you want to be the best that you can be, together!

The Five Love Languages... Chapter One

Chapter One: What happens to love after the wedding?

I am reading The Five Love Languages: How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate. The title sounds super boring, but let me be one to tell you that this is such a good book!

People speak different native languages. We grow up learning the languages of our parents and siblings, which become our primary, or native language. Later, we may learn additional languages but usually with much more effort. These become our secondary languages. We speak and understand best our  native language. We feel most comfortable speaking that language. The more we use a secondary language, the more comfortable we feel conversing in it. If we speak only our primary language and encounter someone else who speaks only his or her primary language, which is different from ours, our communication will be limited. We can communicate, but it's awkward. If we are to communicate effectively across "language lines", we must learn the language of those with whom we wish to communicate.

People speak different love languages, just like people speak different native languages. This book talks about five different love languages: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Look at the above paragraph on native languages, and think of it as love languages. We have to figure out the love language of whoever it is we are wanting to communicate with, so they can understand us and the motive behind our efforts!  We also need to figure out our own  love language so we can let others know how best to communicate with us! The important thing is to "speak" the love language of who it is we're trying to communicate with.  Does that make sense? I hope so.

Take my word for it- Read the book! ANYWAYS...

In personal books of mine, I highlight sentences or passages I read that I either love or want to stick with me. I'll share some with you...

The desire for romantic love in marriage is deeply rooted in our psychological makeup. 

{Me, being the Psychology major and Counseling graduate student I am, thought this was important to remember! ;)}

Seldom do a husband and wife have the same primary emotional love language. We tend to speak our primary love language, and we become confused when our spouse does not understand what we are communicating. We are expressing our love, but the message does not come through because we are speaking what, to them, is a foreign language.

Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse's primary love language, I belive that you will have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving relationship/marriage. Love need not evaporate after the wedding, but in order to keep it alive most of us will have to put forth the effort to learn a secondary love language. We cannot rely on our native tongue if our spouse does not understand it. If we want him/her to feel the love we are trying to communicate, we must express it in his or her primary love language.  

I think the premise behind this book makes absolute sense! I believe relationships are work...especially after you get past that just-started-dating, totally-in-love, they-could-never-do-wrong phase. I also believe that once you have that special someone in your life, the work is worth it. :)

On a roll

Melissa & I have walked 13 miles this week {& it's only Thursday!} I am so proud of us! Walking with a friend is a great way to exercise & I have become a walking machine! I'm glad the weather's warmed up & I'm able to go outside and enjoy these beautiful days. It's also great to talk and get to know a new friend. :) Alex and I usually walk every day during the weekends {or we have recently} but I don't see him during the week usually, so I'm glad I have Melissa! Good thing she's only moving down the street & not to Apex! :)

Grey's isn't new tonight {again, ugh!} so I will be spending my night working on some school work due next week and doing some reading. I got a new book today.

The cover of the book and the subtext of the title do it absolutely no justice and there's no way in the world I would voluntarily even pick this book up in a bookstore, had I not heard such GREAT things from so many people! Alex & I are going to start reading it soon. :) Stay tuned...I'm sure I'll end up blogging about it.

Oh, and today as I was walking out of my apartment to go walk, I ran into one of my residents, Beth, and one of her visiting friends. She said, "And here's our RD. Her name's Nicole. She blogs." I thought that was the funniest thing! :)

Blogging.
That is what I do now.

Book Love

Today was a BEAUTIFUL day in Lincolnton! What a great way to start the weekend! Alex took the top off the jeep, came to pick me up, and we headed downtown to go walk! *Which, by the way, makes me miss my great great friend, Lindsey Jervis!*

Side note: Alex takes a whole different route than "normal people" when walking "downtown." Once we passed ZAXBY'S I said, "Okay, I'm turning around!"

So, we went walking downtown...{here comes the point of my story...} & we came across North State Books. I always walk/drive past the place, and I've been in there a few times, even bought a couple books in there. But my word! Let me tell you...this is what this place looks like!

There are books EVERYWHERE. This isn't an actual picture inside North State Books, but, really, that's what it looks like. I asked the man if there was any rhyme or reason to how the books were sorted. To shorten his answer: there kind of is but not so much anymore. If you're looking for something (or some kind of book) he can definitely point you in the general vicinity of where it'd be stored. And then, get to looking!

They have SO many books of all kinds in there! SUPER cheap too! Me, being the shopaholic I am, bought 8 books in there today! I only spent $35 though! :)

I bought: 

I used to own A Child Called It, He's Just Not That Into You, and It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken but I either lost them or lent them to friends who never returned them, so, for as cheap as they were, I just re-bought them! They were that good! :) I heard that You're Not That Into Him Either was pretty funny/good, so, what the heck!

I read She Said Yes in 7th grade- we may even have read it as a class actually... but it's about Cassie Bernall, who was a 17 year-old student at Columbine High School, who was asked "Do you believe in God?" before she was shot in the head and killed. Hence the title of the book, "She said yes." I remember liking it then, so, I bought it! :)

And, if you haven't ever read a Torey Hayden book, do yourself a favor and pick any of them and start reading. :) I'll review them as I read them. I have a to-read list a mile long! Better get to reading then, huh?!

What Men Want You To Know

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.