Monday, May 29, 2006

What Every Woman Should Have & Know


  • one old love she can imagine going back to and one who reminds her how far she has come...
  • enough money within her control to move out & rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to
  • something perfect to wear if an employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour
  • a youth she's content to leave behind
  • a past juicy enough she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age
  • a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra
  • one friend who always makes her laugh and one who lets her cry
  • a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family
  • eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored
  • a feeling of control over her destiny

  • how to fall in love without losing herself
  • how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...AND how to change a tire!!!
  • when to try harder & when to walk away
  • that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents
  • that her childhood may not have been perfect but it's over
  • what she would and wouldn't do for love and more
  • how to live alone even if she doesn't like it
  • whom she CAN trust, whom she CAN'T trust, and why she shouldn't take it personally
  • where to go...whether it be her best friend's kitchen table or a charming inn in the woods...when her soul needs soothing
  • what she can and can't accomplish in a day, month, and year.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

What Men Want You To Know

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
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