Overwhelmed & thankful

I am overwhelmed.

Of course I am overwhelmed with work. What's new?

But- I'm also overwhelmed in a whole other amazing way!

I am finding myself surrounded by so many giving people who are willing to do whatever they can to help make sure our special day is perfect. I have some amazing showers lined up and from what I can tell, a very fun and original bachelorette party weekend! My bridesmaids are being so amazing and helpful. I cannot wait to have all my besties together under one roof!!

I have turned Alex into a wedding-planning helper and he is doing a great job! He has found us a honeymoon spot & it's going to be a surprise for me! I cannot wait to spend a week in paradise with my husband!!! Ahhhhh!!!

And I am just so overwhelmed about how God is working to prove to me that no matter what, our wedding day is going to be beautiful and filled with love! Of course I have a million details to stress about but God keeps showing me over, and over, and over again that He is handling all those details, and I need to quit freaking out.

I am so thankful for everyone who is offering to help us....whether it's financially, throwing showers, decorating, prayer, with alterations, giving us helpful tips, and putting in their time to be a part of our wedding! I cannot believe it'll be here in less than two months and I just hope I can get things ironed out enough to sit back, relax, and enjoy the rest of this season. I have faith that it'll all get done, look great, and be a night we will never forget! We are so blessed to have so many family & friends supporting us. We are also so blessed because God is showering us with so many blessings along the way & we are so undeserving!! The little blessings along the way just showed me that even if I had all the money in the world and the best wedding planner ever, things could still go wrong and I just need to step back and give God my wedding day and let Him handle it. He is so much better at the little details than I am ;)

I am overwhelmed and I am glad. ♥

30 Blogs in 30 Days: Day 5: Five Things That Make Me Happy

Yep, I haven't forgotten about 30 Blogs in 30 Days! I just took a detour & blogged about inexpensive makeup, Mary Kay, and George Bush's interview about 9/11. That's what my blog's all about: Blogging about whatever the heck I want, when I want! ;)

So TODAY I shall blog about whatever the heck Day 5 is supposed to be.

And day 5 is....

Five things that make me HAPPY {in no particular order} ... That'll be easy enough :)

1. Pampering myself
Any time I can find the time [and money] to pamper myself, I will. That could mean getting a pedicure, getting my favorite shellac manicure or just painting my nails, coloring my hair, getting a fresh new haircut or style [body wave not included], taking a lavender-scented bubble bath, putting masks on my hair [Lord please heal my hair], playing with makeup, $HOPPING, or getting some color on my skin [I still am on the look-out for the perfect spray tan!] - I am always looking for new ways to feel better about myself, and if giving myself a spa day does it, well, I guess I'll just have to do it. ;)

2. My boy
Alex Mullen drives me crazy, more than probably anyone, but Lord do I love that boy! 9+ years together will do that to ya! He takes care of me and makes me laugh and that's all any girl wants! He truly makes me happy and I can't imagine my life without him.

3. Capital G - O - D
Hate me for being cliche, or cheesy, or whatever you want to call me today, but I'm not joking y'all.. a lot's going on in my life, and a lot has gone on in my life. I can't imagine where I would be without my God. I can't imagine where I would be without the hope I have in Him. I can't imagine how anyone gets through anything negative [and healthily] without Jesus. He is truly my strength, my hope, my joy, and my future! I know that no matter what happens, He is there with me, guiding me along, bringing happiness to me in the oddest of ways. And for that I am thankful! :)

4. Doing what I do
I love my job. I love that I have the opportunity to assist others in bettering their lives. Doing therapy has given me the opportunity to help people see the bigger picture, feel better about themselves, improve their family, improve their relationships, and deal better [in more healthy & appropriate ways] with the things going on in their lives. Making them happier and healthier makes ME happy as well!

5. Hang Time
Being with my friends, hanging out, doing nothing or doing something fun, or even doing something stupid makes me really happy. I love all of my friends, past and present! I don't know what I'd do without some of them. We're all super busy, and have our own things going on, so it makes me really happy to get to spend time with them. We always end up laughing and what's not happy about that?!

an oldie but a goodie :) 

Hope during your season of waiting

I just wanted to remind those of you out there that have forgotten (while also reminding myself) that God is so so so good and when we think that we are missing out, it's just because He has a much more perfect plan for us.  We just see the here and now and often forget to look outside of our box and see how our disappointments could possibly be for the better. I vow to continue to try my hardest to keep the faith that God knows what He's doing and knows what's best for me more than I do.  Just when you think you can't take anymore, God finds a way to surprise you with the most richest blessings! Being patient, keeping faith, and (here's the kicker) attempting to not be so darn anxious while you wait is what pleases God the most. It also makes the ride a lot more bearable.

I hope that if you think you're missing out, or  you're bummed because something's not going your way, to please remember that God loves you and only wants what's best for you.  We often think we know what's best for us, but we don't. We really don't.

The following are some Bible verses and random quotes that I had found years ago (I'm sure it was during a time when Alex and I were not dating and I was having a hard time), but I just found so much hope in Bible verses and quotes. I still do.  I think they're super relatable and  say words that you often can't come up with yourself.  My current issues of waiting does not have anything to do with Alex. (So now y'all, this doesn't have to do with marriage, him proposing, anything of that nature. So hold the comments if you will.)  But these are something I held highly at one point, and I know that someone out there will be able to use them today for whatever it is they're going through.  They all are pretty ambiguous, meaning that they aren't specific to one area. You could be able to apply them to any period of waiting that you're currently going through.  I hope this finds it's way to those who need it.  :-)

"God may not always give us answers, but he always gives us grace."

"Sometimes it's best to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve." 

I understand that it's not understandable; only You, Lord, know EVERYTHING.

The bigger picture is so much more beautiful. ♥

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." -Proverbs 3:5-6

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for but certain of what we do not see." -Hebrews 11:1

"Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts.

So, when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will." -Hope Floats

"Waiting for God's perfect timing can save you years of heartbreak.

Remember, God is faithful and always keeps His promises...even if you have to wait."

"Always remember, it's not what He's keeping from you, it's what He's SAVING FOR you."

My rut somewhat explained

So, I'm not going to lie. I talk about being in a rut. I talk about being down & out. I talk about yada yada yada. The cold hard truth is that I am depressed.  {Hence the previous post.} I don't think I'm alone and I don't think I'll be this way forever. So, that's why I'm being honest.  Usually my blogs are about YouTube videos I like, what's going on in my life, or probably something pertaining to makeup.  I didn't mean to go all clinical on y'all on the last post, but I know some people are interested and some people are ignorant. 

It's been super hard for me lately. I don't know why. For whatever reason, the devil is trying to attack me from left and right and for another unknown reason, God's letting it happen.  {I like to think of myself as a modern day Job, haha.} But in all seriousness, I know this season in my life is God allowing the devil to kick me while I'm down, just so I will have no choice but to turn to God for relief from it all.   I know that true joy comes from the Lord and some days I feel like it's been 100% God & God only getting me out of the bed, getting me out the door, and putting on a happy face.  I want to be the best for my clients and I'm really trying.  I'm actually seeing some great results from some of my clients, which makes me feel like I am making a difference, which really does help.  

It also helps that I have some pretty wise clients.  Like I said in my last post, one of my clients told me, "85% of your circumstances come from your attitude and your actions."  And I reiterated saying It isn't always about what you're going through in life, but how you view your circumstances and what you do with them. 

I don't always take my own advice, but I'm working on it. I think, "If my client told me that, what would I say to them?" or "What homework would I give them?"  The thing is- I've never been good at doing homework, so, that's something I'm working on.  I know I must get through this patch and I am seriously working on it.  It takes time AND EFFORT, but most importantly, God.  Without Him, I don't know where I'd be.  I really don't.  I am thankful each and every day that I am where I am, because so many people have it so so so much worse.  We don't even know.  We can't even fathom.  And no, I'm not talking about the pot-bellied children in Africa that we see on the commercials.  I am talking about people in your very small hometown.  I am talking about people you went to high school with that you didn't even recognize.  Or people who you pass in the grocery store, or people you talk to each and every day.  We have no idea what people are going through, what they've been through, or what they will go through.  This isn't a big "love everybody" PSA, even though I think we should love everybody, haha, but I am just saying....BE. MORE. AWARE. and be more compassionate.  Help others, on purpose, and without seeking assistance in return.  

That has absolutely nothing to do with where I was going, but honestly, I promised a part two and I wanted to deliver a promised post {for once}. So, my mind is in a million places, but I hope you understand a tad bit of why.   Please keep me in your prayers.  I know there's things I need to do, but it's really really hard sometimes.  I want to do and I want to give and I need to learn to take care of myself before I can take care of others. But, I know I can do this! Alex has been super helpful, being extra sweet and encouraging lately, which is what I needed.  And I know that at the end of the day, it's all God's doing.  I just need the devil to LAY THE FREAK OFF so I can do my thang. ;)

and I need to remember these things:

Thanks Pinterest for your awesome motivational quotes tonight. 

My 2 Cents on Valentine's Day

Well, my Valentine is I-don't-even-know-how-many hours away. He's training for his new job in Jackson, Mississippi and therefore away from me on Valentine's Day. Hopefully when he gets home we can go to Outback {our favorite} and go see The Vow. {Gosh I CAN NOT WAIT to go see that movie!} Being apart this Valentine's Day, the first thing I did this morning was send Alex a text that said something like "♥happy valentine's day lover♥ " & he sent me a reply text that said: "Happy valentines day to you too. There's a little something for you in the extra bed room in the top drawer of the white plastic drawers." I just want to say that I think it's precious that he took the time to think about me before he left town and thought of a way for me to be surprised in some way shape or form on Valentine's Day, even from a couple states away. He gets major points for this. ;) 

Seriously guys, all a girl wants for Valentine's Day is a little pre-meditated surprise.

That's it.

It doesn't have to be complicated, fancy, or expensive.

JUST SURPRISE HER. And PLAN AHEAD.

She can tell when you picked up a rose from the gas station on the way home, and she'll know that you did not plan ahead.

{This happened to me in the past. True story.} 

I hope everyone had a happy Valentine's day no matter what your relationship status is! I hope it wasn't spent in anger, resentment, or jealousy because you spent this one single day of the year not attached. It's just not worth it. Also, think about all the ladies that aren't getting to spend V-Day with their man who's deployed. Or the widow who is spending her first V-Day alone. Seriously, your I-hate-all-things-Valentine's-Day twitter updates & Facebook statuses aren't bringing anything positive to this world OR helping you out. So rejoice you have a God that LOVES you and will ALWAYS be your Valentine!!! 

"This is how we know what love is: 

Jesus Chris laid down his life for us."

-1 John 3:16

He Qualifies The Chosen

Jacob cheated.

Peter had a temper.

David had an affair.

Noah got drunk.

Jonah ran from God.

Moses commited murder.

Giedon was insecure.

Miriam gossiped.

Martha worried.

Thomas doubted.

Sara was impatient.

Elijah was moody.

Zacchaeus was short.

Abraham was old,

& Lazarus was dead!!

GOD DOESN'T CHOOSE THE QUALIFIED,

HE QUALIFIES THE CHOSEN!!!

it's the small things....

This wasn't a New Years resolution for me, although it may seem like one....but I am doing something I should have been doing for years. I am changing the way I look at certain situations and finding the small blessings that God provides me each day! Sounds simple, but at certain times it's hard to do- but don't worry...God has blessed me time and time again for it. I feel like I should journal these things each and every day so I can go back and look at what I usually would have gotten ill at, and then saw how God turned the situation into blessings in disguise! However, let's be realistic. I always start a journal & never continue it. Why? I don't know because I think the idea is awesome. Maybe I don't do it until I'm sleepy, or maybe I get to writing too  much then get overwhelmed, maybe I just forget about it, or maybe, just maybe, I am too lazy. Either way, I *think* about journaling, but since I don't actually journal, I am hoping I keep a good memory of God's daily mercies. And like I said....it's the small things!! For example, yesterday I was a little ill at a friend, but reminded myself to be empathetic. When I did that, I realized the blessing in things not going exactly my way and learned I will benefit more from this thing that made me ill in the first place. Thanking God for this thing was the right thing to do. He was behind it all. He is looking after me and my best interests and I must always remember that. And then, I went into Office Max to print my fabulous Mary Kay director, Dana Andrews, her planner and the guy behind the counter asked me if I had my Mary Kay discount card. Not having a clue what he was talking about, he told me that Mary Kay consultants get {pretty nice} discount at Office Max!! That is AWESOME news!! I am always loving a discount...and it comes in handy with my new planner business! ;) I feel like that was a {not so} random blessing!! It's not huge news, but it was happy news that  brightened my day! I am excited to see what this day will bring!!

Everything rides on hope now....

I'm not trying to get too personal, but tonight was a really really really bad night for me. I cried out of anger. I cried out of pain. I just got plain mad. I cussed. I got quiet. I just sat. I stared into the deep dark hole that I was in. I didn't want to move. Or drive. {Unlucky for me I still wanted to eat. I hadn't had supper yet and it was getting late. I wish I was one of those girls that when they got upset, they didn't eat. I'll never be one of those girls.} I complained...on and on and on. I think I listed everything NOT going right in my life, not going to my plan. Around 7:45pm I left for the library to study for tomorrow's bigger-than-ever test, and three hours later, I had never made it in the library, and I was headed home to eat McDonald's and stand in a very hot shower. {Please note studying had not occurred yet, and again, bigger-than-ever test tomorrow.}

Side note: Lord, thank you for Alex. During all of those things I listed above he was there, sitting on the other side of the phone, not knowing what to say, but trying really hard (I think, or at least I will give him credit for). He knew he was as helpless as I was/am in these situations, so he just sat, and listened. Then the Lord provided him with something really awesome to say, so, thanks God, and thank you Alex.

It was one of THOSE nights. You know what I mean. We all have them.

I guess I should have known it was coming, but I didn't see it coming, so tonight hit me like a ton of bricks. It hit hard and it hurt. I still don't have any answers. I still can't control anything or anyone in my life.

All I can do is PRAY and HOPE. That's it. Literally. Alex and I tried tonight to think, of anything, possibly anything that could be done. We have nothing. Absolutely nothing. Jesus Christ is literally all I have. All that's forever. All that's unconditional. He is the reason for the unexplainable hope in my heart tonight, because the Lord knows that if I was looking for it tonight, it was out of sight.

Please know that I'm not being selfish. Of course I'd like to know when I'm going to get married, heck or when I'll be engaged, or where I'll be working in August, IF I'll be working in August. I wish I knew what the future held, but I don't. There's no way for me to know. But that's not what I wanted tonight. Tonight I wanted RIGHT. I wanted people to make good choices. I wanted the right things to be said and for things to go the way the SHOULD go, not the way necessarily that *I* want them. {However, it just so happens that I want what's right}. Is that so much to ask? I don't think so. But apparently it is, right now anyways.

Things, vices, situations, and other people effect people's lives so much to the point that they're in a season of their life where doing what's right isn't what's top priority. Don't get me started on what their priority is... just know, it isn't what's "right."

I wonder, how long will God make me endure this? What's his reasoning for it? Maybe it's to bring me closer to Him. Maybe it'll go on forever. Maybe it's meant to go on forever. So what then? Will I be this sad and upset forever? God says no. I trust that He'll provide me the strength, people, love, and resources to get through this time, no matter how long it lasts.

I seriously don't know how anyone gets through anything without God.

This song popped into my head tonight and God's eyes crossed as I sang it in the shower. It really was my heart song tonight {Happy Feet reference}. Oh, how I love it...


This is one of my favorite songs of all time. I love this version compared to the actual music video's version, which is why I'm showing this version instead. If you haven't heard it, go ahead and press play...

I am going to bed less sad, loved by and very thankful for my boyfriend, more hopeful, and faithful that God will get me through my test tomorrow. There's no way it's not God lifting my spirits, no way in the world.

Food for thought: Forgiveness

Then Peter came up to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I'll tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." -Matthew 18:21-22

Forgiveness has really been a key issue in my life lately. I go back to this verse when I am feeling defeated by others, contemplating forgiveness. I am human! I sin! I sometimes have to THINK about forgiving people, wondering if they are worthy of my forgiveness, time, and emotion. I have to remember that the exact wording of this verse is very important: I must forgive my brother (everyone) when they sin against me. Sometimes I get so bogged down because "people" aren't doing the right thing. I get mad when others make stupid choices, causing grief for those closest to them, myself included at times. I take it all personally. I've even been known to hold a grudge or two in my time {believe it or not, HA!} My thought process is flawed because simply: I am human. However, I can not use my "humanness" as justification for continuing to live in sin. I can and should only forgive those that have sinned against me. If others are sinning against others or against God, I need to pray for them. I should not take it personally or hold a grudge. If I do, then *I* am the one needing forgiveness! They have not sinned against me, therefore, forgiveness from me is not needed. {Gosh I hope my rambling is making sense.}

This passage really opened my eyes...

1 John:
1:5: This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and His word has no place in our lives.

2:1: My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world. We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him.

This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.

That pretty much sums it up for me. One thing I can say for myself is {as you can also see above} I have never claimed to be perfect. I will shout it from the rooftops that I am NOT perfect! I am far from it actually and like everyone else, have my good days and have my bad days. Lucky for me, I am saved by the love and grace of Jesus Christ. The passage above reminds me that because I am a Christian, and have accepted Christ as my Savior, then when I do have my "bad days," my heavenly Father goes to bat for me. He speaks to HIS father on MY behalf, asking that I be forgiven. What an amazing thought! What an amazing thing! What an amazing Savior I have!

Forgiving one another is the hardest thing to do and the most beneficial. As God's chosen people we are to forgive all {did you hear that? ALL} grievances we have between one another because of the example set forth to us by Christ.

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. -Colossians 3:12-14

and lastly....

And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your failings and shortcomings. -Mark 11:25-26, Amplified

This is why it is SO important and beneficial for us to forgive. Jesus can not do us that mighty favor by going to bat for us when we have our bad days if we have hate in our hearts, if we are holding grudges, if we are choosing to not forgive someone, for anything, no matter what. As 1st John says, if we are living in Him, we must walk as Jesus did (forgivingly). I personally do not want to sacrifice MY forgiveness, at the cost of living a life full of hate. Doesn't make sense at all to me why anyone would.

If you are choosing to hold a grudge, not forgiving someone, for anything, reconsider. The price is far too high and not even close to worth it, especially when you think about how trivial some of your grievances are. Let your light shine! Do not choose to be held captive in the darkness for another minute.

It's never too late
to turn everything around.

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

This morning in Sunday School, we were blessed with a really good lesson.

The lesson was about what you consider rich, and always wanting more, even though there are people who live on FAR FAR FAR less and there will always be someone that has MORE than you, and what the Bible describes as being truly rich. But that's not what I'm blogging about tonight.

In discussion after our video we watched, one of us mentioned how we, as humans, think that we should treat people how they treat us. An eye for an eye. If someone's mean to us, be mean back. If someone's nice to us, be nice back. You get the jist....

But, not as humans, but as Christians, we should NOT give an eye for an eye. As Gandhi said,

" An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

Matthew 7:12 says, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you." 

It doesn't say do to others what they do to you. It is saying that we should treat people the way we WANT to be treated, no matter HOW they treat us! 

I was personally convicted by this statement this morning. I am definitely guilty of this. I try my hardest to be nice to everyone, at first. If someone is rude to me, or does something against me, I'll give them another chance. I'll turn the other cheek. However, after a while, if it continues, I am quick to write someone off. This does did not bother me because I only want to surround myself with those who lift me higher. I do not want to continually bother myself with those who are rude to me, etc. I do not consider it a loss, but my world a better place.

How UN-Christian of me is that?!?! It is probably the rudest people, or people that are the most rude to me, that I should be being an example to the most. Now, let me say, that I do not approve of being a doormat. I am simply saying to not give up on people. I am saying that instead of turning around and walking the other way, avoiding certain someones, or holding anger in yourself... say hello! Give a compliment! Ask how they're doing! It's the least you could do, and maybe all that's necessary. Nothing will be solved if you have a "let's see who can be the rudest the longest" competition. 

My prayer for myself and for everyone else is that we will quit holding grudges, quit being rude to one another on purpose, and learn to let things go. People who say they "don't like drama" are usually the ones who are surrounded by drama the most. FYI: there is one common denominator in all your failed friendships, in all your "dramaful" relationships. And that is YOU! Figure out why, and work to fix it! {and I am saying this to myself as well, don't you worry....} 

After having this conversation in Sunday School this morning, I definitely became aware and convicted, and have already tried working on it! It'll be a life-long effort, but one that's worth it! Life is too short and you weren't meant to hold on to that petty anger anyways. Be free! Free yourself!

Reflecting on 2009

Where did 2009 go? Man it flew by! I say that...but a lot happened in 2009! I learned so many things this past year. I probably say that every year, but, I DO mean it! :) I was also blessed tremendously in 2009. Looking back, I can't even begin to tell you all the things God did for me. (But, I'll try!) First and foremost, God's timing could not be more perfect! I can not express how lucky I am to have had Him place Alex back into my life, for good! I am (still) so in love with that man of God & I can not wait to see what 2010 has in store for us! Alex graduated in May and has been searching for a job at least since then! He's been unsuccessful in finding a job and I am so proud of him. He keeps his head up and has the most positive attitude. He knows that God has something perfect for him out there and it's only a matter of time before He presents Alex with that opportunity. Until then, God has provided various odd jobs for him to provide him some gas money at least! That boy comes to Hickory ALL the time and I am SO appreciative!! During this time though, Alex has searched after the heart of his Father and has dove into the Word of the Lord and boy does it show! I am on a daily basis proud of the man he is, and the man he is turning into. I do believe that with the help of the Lord, people CAN change. As you all know, Alex & I have had our ups and downs, times together and times apart. Throughout it all, I've learned to stay true to your heart and that (how cliche is this?) "if it's meant to be, IT WILL BE." Either way, the past is in the past now and 2009 was a great year for us, and again, I can't wait to see what 2010 has in store for us!

Now, if you know me, you know that I have to make that money! I do not have the luxury of being able to take "time off" or anything of the sort. Bills have to be paid, right? The Lord has always been successful providing me employment and 2009 was NO exception! It all started in JANUARY and by the last week of JULY, the Lord has answered my prayers!! It was stressful but I learned that I need to stay faithful and the Lord WILL provide! In the mean time, God provided me temporary jobs to pay the bills & gain some learning experiences! I am very appreciative of all the people that prayed for me during that time. It obviously helped! I have never loved a job more!

Meet my staff! I think this pic is such an exact replica of our personalities!

 and meet my fellow RDs:

And lastly, learning experiences...I mentioned those, right? They definitely were a definitive part of 2009 and I will be forever grateful for those as well! I won't go into what all I learned, but I can tell you that I will take everything I learned from the beginning to the end of the past year and use it in the upcoming year(s).

I don't believe in New Years resolutions. If I ever made them, they didn't work out. I just want to work on making this year & every year after that better! My first Facebook photo album of the year is titled, "making 2010 the best year ever.." & that's simply what I'm doing! I'm going to do some prioritizing, some sifting, and work on devoting my time & energy into what helps me do that. I'm focusing on God, my family, Alex, & my true friends. If I do that, everything else will fall into place. I'm sure of it. :)

Dreams & the Devil, my personal story...

So, you may or may not have heard me talk about this before but, either way, I have an update.

So you know how some people dream, and sometimes they remember their dreams and sometimes they don't? Well, I can't remember a time when I have remembered a "good" dream. If I remember a dream, it's because it probably scarred me for life. I mean, I know all about REM sleep, and I know I dream multiple dreams a night. However, if I realize I'm dreaming, if I'm awoken from a dream, or if I even remember a dream-- it's because it scared the living daylights out of me.

My nightmares usually involve someone I love dying, or someone trying to kill me, or the world ending. Crazy! Right?? But you can see how this would freak me out now...

Having lunch with a friend one day, we got on the topic of dreams and I was telling them about my nightmares. She asked me if I've always had them, or if they recently started occurring. I got to thinking about it... I thought they had recently began occurring throughout the past couple years or so, which had been a pretty tough time for me. Once I starting thinking back, it hit me! I had been suffering from these nightmares since I can remember. (Ironic, ha).

A long time ago my family used to live in Iron Station, NC. We moved out of that house when I was in the 2nd grade, therefore I figured out that I started having recurring nightmares somewhere between the ages of 3 and 7. I vividly remember not wanting to go to sleep in fear of having another nightmare. My brother, Pat, & I shared a bedroom at the time and I remember my dad putting me to sleep in my bed. He picked one of Pat's toys up off the floor-- a foot-tall, hard as a rock Ninja Turtle-- & I remember him telling me that if I slept with the Ninja Turtle, he'd fight off my bad dreams.

Do y'all know how long I slept with that Ninja Turtle? I was paranoid! I slept with it every night until finally my parents realized that my "comfort item" wasn't a blanket or a stuffed animal, but a foot-tall, hard as a rock Ninja Turtle! They bought me this cat to replace the turtle. The movie "Andre" had just come out (the movie about a girl who raised a pet seal...y'all remember that?!) .. Well, I named the cat Andre and took that thing everywhere I spent the night. I TRULY believed that if that cat wasn't covered up in the bed next to me I would have a bad dream. I honestly, sadly to say, slept with that thing PROBABLY until I was in 8th grade. I remember in middle school doing nightly experiments, sleeping with the cat and not sleeping with the cat, to see if I would have a nightmare or not. I promise you-- if that cat was not by my side, I had a nightmare, sure as the devil! That freaked me out and that is how I justify to myself why I slept with the cat until I was in the 8th grade.

Now I can't remember why I quit sleeping with the cat, and I couldn't even tell you where it is today (which saddens me a bit)...but I'm sure it had something to do with me entering high school. It also might have something to do with the fact that one night I spent the night at Ashleigh Woody's house and forgot the cat. I called my mom, freaking out, and asked her to come bring it to me. She for whatever reason wouldn't, and I could hear my dad joking in the background saying, "here kitty kitty...", acting like he was going to kill my cat or something horrible. I don't know, but I remember getting really upset, and afterwards I probably just wondered why in the world I was getting so upset over a stuffed cat!

Either way, (sorry--this story's getting longer than I anticipated) I don't sleep with a comfort item and haven't since then. But, I still have these crazy nightmares! I don't watch scary movies anymore because I'm sure they'll trigger some unconscious (or obviously conscious) fear of mine and I'll have nightmares for a month or something crazy.

Anywho-- some friends and I were talking about dream therapy at lunch the other day and I told them my crazy cat story. I told them how it was all in my head and if I slept with the cat growing up I never had a bad dream, but if I didn't then I would for sure have one.

A couple nights later, I couldn't sleep so I started reading my new Bible. It's a NIV & The Message Parallel Bible & I love it! Anyways, I just opened it up and started reading The Message.

PLEASE LOOK AT WHAT I FOUND---

"Dear friend, guard clear Thinking and common sense with your life; don't for a minute lose sight of them. They'll keep your soul alive and well, they'll keep you fit and attractive. You'll travel safely, you'll neither tire nor trip. **NOW HERE'S MY FAVORITE PART -->** You'll take afternoon naps without a worry, you'll enjoy a good night's sleep. NO NEED TO PANIC OVER ALARMS OR SURPRISES, OR PREDICTIONS THAT DOOMSDAY'S JUST AROUND THE CORNER, BECAUSE GOD WILL BE RIGHT THERE WITH YOU; HE'LL KEEP YOU SAFE AND SOUND." (Proverbs 3: 21-26, The Message)

Obviously that spoke right to my heart. I worry and I worry and I worry. I pray every night before I go to bed that the Lord blesses me with sweet dreams, or at least no nightmares. I try not to take dreams seriously but they honestly make me very anxious and weary. It's funny because the Lord says in the Bible NOT to anxious OR weary! The Devil attacks you, day and night, and obviously whether you are asleep or not. He'll find a way to get to you- He knows you're destined for great things and therefore will get a head start on attempting to bring you down whenever possible.

I now go to bed worry-free. I know the Lord is protecting me.
I'm sure some of you have experienced a similar situation. I'm sure some of you can relate. I just wanted to share this with you and let you know that God is in control. Give your life to Him and He will take that life-long burden off your shoulders. "Cast your anxieties on Him because He cares for you." :)

And if you made it all the way to the end, I appreciate you listening. :) Be blessed!

"God may not always give us answers, but He always gives us grace.."

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. --Matthew 11:28

And He will give you all you need from day to day if you live for Him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. --Matthew 6:33

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. --Philippians 4:6

In the middle of the turbulence surrounding you
These trying times are so hard to endure
In the middle of what seems to be your darkest hour
Hold fast your heart and be assured
This too shall pass
Like every night that's come before it
He'll never give you more than you can bare
This too shall pass
So in this thought be comforted 'fore it's in His Hands
This too shall pass
Father knows the tears you cry before they fall
He feels your pain
His heart and yours are one
Father knows that sorrow's heavy chains are strong
But with His strength, you'll overcome
So set your eyes, set them on the mountain
And lift your head up to the sky
And let His arms of love surround you
Let him take you to the other side
This too shall pass..

Encouragment

When I find myself overwhelmed with schoolwork and everything else going on in life...I think about these two verses.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer... *Romans 12:12

Don't be afraid. Just stand where you are and watch the Lord rescue you... *Exodus 14:13

Nothing is in your power. Everything is in God's hands. Things are going to work out the way He intended, regardless of your efforts to have things your own way. If you're lucky, you will wish for that in which He gives you. But, your best bet is to just realize that He is in control, and pray for His will in your life. He will not give you anything you can't handle. Take things day by day, continue to pray, and be hopeful. Things will work out exactly are they are supposed to. Just give it time. :)

My new favorite book is "No One Else Will Listen: A girl's conversations with God." Check it out! Here's some bits & pieces..

"Forgive me, Lord, but I'm turning to you because nobody else will listen. ... I prayed when I was just a kid, prayers I have been taught. It was all very innocent and simple. Well, I'm not so innocent any more and it isn't simple any more. It's real, very real. And even if I never see you, never hear an answer, I know that you too are real."

"Sometimes it seems nobody loves me, Lord. And to be quite frank, I don't see how they can. I am so clumsy so much of the time. My hair looks awful, I'm having trouble with my skin. I eat too much, I often stuff myself when I feel ashamed. I say and do stupid things. I cry for no good reason. I lash out at people and feel sorry for myself. Lord, help me remember that no miracle is beyond you if I will just relax and stop fighting life the way I do. Nobody can hurt me half as much as I've been hurting myself. Thanks for not despising me even though I'm such a mess."

"I get so discouraged about myself sometimes. All these faults. I keep trying to correct them, but just when I think I've got some of them licked, a couple of new ones, worse ones sometimes, pop up. Or I'll do or say something I thought I would never do again. I'm shocked at myself. I could kick myself. WON'T I LEARN?! Please be patient with me Lord, and teach me to be more patient with myself. Knowing you still love me despite these faults and setbacks helps a lot. Help me not to get too discouraged with myself."