Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Done! Finished! Finito! Fin! :-D

I made it! I am officially done with my first full semester of graduate school. Praise the Lord! I never thought I would see the light at the end of the tunnel that is this semester. In a matter of 4 days last week I wrote FIFTY pages of essay-type things. FIFTY! That's insane! I thought I would go crazy. I took about a week long mental vacation and then had to be back at it. I cranked another 10 pages out, had class tonight (a week after "the last day of classes"), and feel SO relieved! I really don't know what to do with myself. I mean, there is always something I should be doing. I can't go home for Christmas until Monday, the 21st, so, there is RD work to be done, and DEFINITELY cleaning that has been neglected lately with all this paper writing! So, I'll need to get on that. But tonight, I'm just not feeling it. I took a nice, long, MUCH needed shower after I got out of class, and I might just get in the bed with a book at 8pm and see how long it takes me to drift off to dreamland! :)

I've gotta get up crazy early in the morning. I'm working at the gym 6-8 AM! Trying to make a little extra holiday $$$! I'm already counting down the days until February 17ish when I get my next financial aid refund check. :/ Don't get me started...

I don't know what else to tell you right now- other than I am seriously sleep-deprived, smelling beautifully, and so so SOOOO happy that this semester is over with! Oh, and did I tell you that I am taking four classes next semester? We'll see how it goes....

Until then, I'm going to try to have a very merry CHRISTmas with my family, friends, and special someone! :) I hope you will all do the same.

Friday, November 13, 2009

The school part of graduate school--

Omgosh. Grad school is definitely doing a job job kicking my butt right now.

I have learned that you can't just take pride in finalizing your to-do list. You have to get things done so your to-do list gets smaller or smaller. The thing with me is, I'll keep adding crap to the list. Just so I won't forget down the road.

My to-do list currently has on it: work on paper due next week and finish painting apartment (which we all know probably won't happen until the summer). Who am I kidding?

I do take pride in the fact that our STUPID paper was completed tonight at 11pm. It's due tomorrow. Figures. It's so hard to get us all together. We are all adults, living individual lives. It's not like undergrad when the majority of students don't have full time jobs, or children, or spouses. It is seriously difficult to get a group of 4 or 5 of us together to work on a group project. But we did it! We spent 7 hours together this work working on it...not counting the time we worked on it individually. Group papers are the worst I think. Ahh but it's DONE! :-D

November 18th is a big day for me. I have tons of crap due that day - tons! Including a paper on a book I haven't read yet. (Date check - yes, it's Nov 13th!) I heard it's a good one though ... one about the experiences of living in a concentration camp during WWII. I've been told the main point of the book is "it's not about what happens to you, but how you react to what happens to you" so .. I'm sure I'll finish it quickly! I better, huh?!

After that I'll only have a couple more assignments due for the semester and the Monday & Tuesday before Thanksgiving I'll get TWO out of 3 of my FINALS to start completing. Grad school finals are awesome. Yeah, they're cumulative, which sucks, but they're take home, open book essay finals! The sooner I start, the sooner I'll get done .. which means the sooner I can get back to stalking people on Facebook! ;) juuuuuuuuuust kidding. (right.) No, but I do miss it...

On a different note - I registered for classes already! November 9th. I thought that was kinda early but maybe I'm wrong. I am taking 3 classes right now (9 hours), all of which are kicking my butt, but to my defense, only because I procrastinated. So what do I do? I sign up for FOUR next semester! You know me, trying to get out of school as soon as I can! At the going rate I'll graduate December of 2011. Gah, that seems forever away but I'm sure it'll be here before I know it. Anyways, four classes. I was going to take a week-long class in December on spirituality but I think I'll take that time to go home and have a break with my family. Oh! AND .. one of those classes next semester is only 3 weekends long. How awesome is that? 3 weekends and I'm done. Grad school DOES have its perks!

I am so blessed to be here. I try to thank God every day for the job He gave me here and for the opportunity to further my education, for free, because otherwise I'd just have a Psychology degree and I'd either be doing something I hate or working a job that doesn't require a college education. He DEFINITELY was keeping His eye out for me! I have no doubt in my mind. Thank you, Lord! :)

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

peace out, facebook!

So, I blame Facebook for distracting me the most. As a result, I have decided to get off Facebook until all my work for the semester is complete! I did this once before, you know, when you temporarily deactivate your Facebook, knowing that the minute you sign back in everything pops back up, as if you never left. Yeah, I tried that-- I was productive an entire day and then later that night, what did I do? I signed back on! I have absolutely no self-control. Or, I didn't. Who knew that all it would take to get me off and focusing on things that are more important was a bribe? I didn't, but it's seemed to work so far. Okay, I'm only two days in! It's been a pretty productive two days!

Yesterday I was pretty proud of myself. I wrote a nine page paper in APA format with 20 references, ate in the caf twice (not my norm), had a salad instead of something greasy, and got water instead of Mountain Dew, twice! If you know me, you're probably proud too- haha... I'm working on productivity! There are so many things I need to do but so also so many things I WANT to do. So, I'm getting items in my to-do list marked off one by one, less slowly and more surely than usual! I must say, I like this no Facebook idea.

Sidenote: if for some reason you see a status update or something, it's ONLY because I said that I would ONLY and I mean ONLY get on Facebook to post updates to this blog and updates to my devotion Facebook group, "ten minutes to get you through your day." I'm staying true to my vow and not just because I was promised one of my favorite TV shows on DVD. :)

Enjoy your Tuesday!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Welcome to Hickory, NC!

Ahh! My sleep schedule is SO messed up! I'll probably end up blogging late at night while I have a ton of energy. Living back in the residence halls have really screwed up my already pretty messed up sleep schedule. And I really reallly really wish I'd work on that more- because it really messes up your day!

About that---as most of you know, I've moved to Hickory, NC. I got a great job too! I am now a Resident Director at Lenoir-Rhyne University. I live in an apartment in Isenhour Hall on campus, one of the primarily freshmen "dorms." (Speaking of my apartment, it was a definite fixer-upper and I took before and after pictures! I'll have to share them another day!) Anyways, my job is to primarily oversee the RAs in the building (who, by the way are SUCH an awesome staff!) and the building itself, and handle any mishaps that happen along the way. Let me tell you, I LOVE IT! Isenhour Hall is crazy. My residents are crazy and I'm enjoying getting to know them this year. I hate hate hate the sound of my doorbell but I don't mind it when I hear it at 2 in the morning if someone is having issues.  It's such a great job to have while I work on my Masters. I can use what I learn in classes immediately and directly with students, which is great!

Again, in case you hadn't heard, I'm working here at LR on my Masters in Counseling. I couldn't decide which type of counseling I wanted to do once I had my Masters and I was seriously struggling with that decision. Usually, graduate schools have you decide which type of counseling you want to pursue: agency/community or school. Well, long story short: Lenoir-Rhyne has an awesome program that lets you do both! So, I added 12 hours to my course load and will be able to pursue a counseling career in either some type of community counseling or in a school! With the economy the way it is, the more doors I'll be able to open the better! And then there's the fact that I still have no idea what I actually WANT to do! So, I have about 2 years to figure it out. :)

I think I've figured that I'll graduate in August or December of 2011. I took two classes this summer and plan to take one in December. It's crazy--those 3 classes add up to only a total of 16 days but those 3 classes alone will knock a whole SEMESTER off my graduation date! You know me....trying to get in and out as soon as possible so I can move on to the next stage! :) However, my LR experience is a lot different from my experience in undergrad at Appalachian. I may blog about that later. :) Therefore I wouldn't mind staying longer if I had to/could. Ok, I've lived here like TWO months...I need to stop. I'm hoping things don't change but I need to stop counting my chickens. Hopefully I'll remember to keep blogging and give you an update on it later on, once I've experienced it all a little more.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Dreams & the Devil, my personal story...

So, you may or may not have heard me talk about this before but, either way, I have an update.

So you know how some people dream, and sometimes they remember their dreams and sometimes they don't? Well, I can't remember a time when I have remembered a "good" dream. If I remember a dream, it's because it probably scarred me for life. I mean, I know all about REM sleep, and I know I dream multiple dreams a night. However, if I realize I'm dreaming, if I'm awoken from a dream, or if I even remember a dream-- it's because it scared the living daylights out of me.

My nightmares usually involve someone I love dying, or someone trying to kill me, or the world ending. Crazy! Right?? But you can see how this would freak me out now...

Having lunch with a friend one day, we got on the topic of dreams and I was telling them about my nightmares. She asked me if I've always had them, or if they recently started occurring. I got to thinking about it... I thought they had recently began occurring throughout the past couple years or so, which had been a pretty tough time for me. Once I starting thinking back, it hit me! I had been suffering from these nightmares since I can remember. (Ironic, ha).

A long time ago my family used to live in Iron Station, NC. We moved out of that house when I was in the 2nd grade, therefore I figured out that I started having recurring nightmares somewhere between the ages of 3 and 7. I vividly remember not wanting to go to sleep in fear of having another nightmare. My brother, Pat, & I shared a bedroom at the time and I remember my dad putting me to sleep in my bed. He picked one of Pat's toys up off the floor-- a foot-tall, hard as a rock Ninja Turtle-- & I remember him telling me that if I slept with the Ninja Turtle, he'd fight off my bad dreams.

Do y'all know how long I slept with that Ninja Turtle? I was paranoid! I slept with it every night until finally my parents realized that my "comfort item" wasn't a blanket or a stuffed animal, but a foot-tall, hard as a rock Ninja Turtle! They bought me this cat to replace the turtle. The movie "Andre" had just come out (the movie about a girl who raised a pet seal...y'all remember that?!) .. Well, I named the cat Andre and took that thing everywhere I spent the night. I TRULY believed that if that cat wasn't covered up in the bed next to me I would have a bad dream. I honestly, sadly to say, slept with that thing PROBABLY until I was in 8th grade. I remember in middle school doing nightly experiments, sleeping with the cat and not sleeping with the cat, to see if I would have a nightmare or not. I promise you-- if that cat was not by my side, I had a nightmare, sure as the devil! That freaked me out and that is how I justify to myself why I slept with the cat until I was in the 8th grade.

Now I can't remember why I quit sleeping with the cat, and I couldn't even tell you where it is today (which saddens me a bit)...but I'm sure it had something to do with me entering high school. It also might have something to do with the fact that one night I spent the night at Ashleigh Woody's house and forgot the cat. I called my mom, freaking out, and asked her to come bring it to me. She for whatever reason wouldn't, and I could hear my dad joking in the background saying, "here kitty kitty...", acting like he was going to kill my cat or something horrible. I don't know, but I remember getting really upset, and afterwards I probably just wondered why in the world I was getting so upset over a stuffed cat!

Either way, (sorry--this story's getting longer than I anticipated) I don't sleep with a comfort item and haven't since then. But, I still have these crazy nightmares! I don't watch scary movies anymore because I'm sure they'll trigger some unconscious (or obviously conscious) fear of mine and I'll have nightmares for a month or something crazy.

Anywho-- some friends and I were talking about dream therapy at lunch the other day and I told them my crazy cat story. I told them how it was all in my head and if I slept with the cat growing up I never had a bad dream, but if I didn't then I would for sure have one.

A couple nights later, I couldn't sleep so I started reading my new Bible. It's a NIV & The Message Parallel Bible & I love it! Anyways, I just opened it up and started reading The Message.


"Dear friend, guard clear Thinking and common sense with your life; don't for a minute lose sight of them. They'll keep your soul alive and well, they'll keep you fit and attractive. You'll travel safely, you'll neither tire nor trip. **NOW HERE'S MY FAVORITE PART -->** You'll take afternoon naps without a worry, you'll enjoy a good night's sleep. NO NEED TO PANIC OVER ALARMS OR SURPRISES, OR PREDICTIONS THAT DOOMSDAY'S JUST AROUND THE CORNER, BECAUSE GOD WILL BE RIGHT THERE WITH YOU; HE'LL KEEP YOU SAFE AND SOUND." (Proverbs 3: 21-26, The Message)

Obviously that spoke right to my heart. I worry and I worry and I worry. I pray every night before I go to bed that the Lord blesses me with sweet dreams, or at least no nightmares. I try not to take dreams seriously but they honestly make me very anxious and weary. It's funny because the Lord says in the Bible NOT to anxious OR weary! The Devil attacks you, day and night, and obviously whether you are asleep or not. He'll find a way to get to you- He knows you're destined for great things and therefore will get a head start on attempting to bring you down whenever possible.

I now go to bed worry-free. I know the Lord is protecting me.
I'm sure some of you have experienced a similar situation. I'm sure some of you can relate. I just wanted to share this with you and let you know that God is in control. Give your life to Him and He will take that life-long burden off your shoulders. "Cast your anxieties on Him because He cares for you." :)

And if you made it all the way to the end, I appreciate you listening. :) Be blessed!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

I've Learned:

I've learned
that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is
be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.

I've learned -
that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.

I've learned -
that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned -
that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned -
that you can get by on charm
for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned -
that you shouldn't compare
yourself to the best others can do
but to the best you can do.

I've learned -
that it's not what happens to people
that's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned -
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned -
that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.

I've learned -
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.

I've learned -
that it's a lot easier
to react than it is to think.

I've learned -
that you should always leave
loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned -
that you can keep going
long after you think you can't.

I've learned -
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I've learned -
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.

I've learned -
that regardless of how hot and steamy
a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had better be
something else to take its place.

I've learned -
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I've learned -
that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned -
that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned -
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned -
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned -
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned -
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.

I've learned -
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I've learned -
that just because someone doesn't love you
the way you want them to doesn't mean
they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned -
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned _
that you should never tell a child
their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.
Few things are more humiliating, and
what a tragedy it would be
if they believed it.

I've learned -
that your family won't always
be there for you. It may seem funny,
but people you aren't related to
can take care of you and love you
and teach you to trust people again.
Families aren't biological.

I've learned -
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you
every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned -
that it isn't always enough
to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn
to forgive yourself.

I've learned -
that no matter how bad
your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned -
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned -
that sometimes when my friends fight,
I'm forced to choose sides
even when I don't want to.

I've learned -
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned -
that sometimes you have to put
the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned -
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.

I've learned -
that you shouldn't be so
eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.

I've learned -
that two people can look
at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.

I've learned -
that no matter how you try to protect
your children, they will eventually get hurt
and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned -
that there are many ways of falling
and staying in love.

I've learned -
that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves
get farther in life.

I've learned -
that no matter how many friends you have,
if you are their pillar you will feel lonely
and lost at the times you need them most.

I've learned -
that your life can be changed
in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.

I've learned -
that even when you think
you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.

I've learned -
that writing, as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.

I've learned -
that the paradigm we live in
is not all that is offered to us.

I've learned -
that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned -
that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.

I've learned -
that although the word "love"
can have many different meanings,
it loses value when overly used.

I've learned -
that it's hard to determine
where to draw the line
between being nice and
not hurting people's feelings
and standing up for what you believe.

copyrights to: Kathy Kane Hansen
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