Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Five Love Languages... Chapter One

Chapter One: What happens to love after the wedding?

I am reading The Five Love Languages: How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate. The title sounds super boring, but let me be one to tell you that this is such a good book!

People speak different native languages. We grow up learning the languages of our parents and siblings, which become our primary, or native language. Later, we may learn additional languages but usually with much more effort. These become our secondary languages. We speak and understand best our  native language. We feel most comfortable speaking that language. The more we use a secondary language, the more comfortable we feel conversing in it. If we speak only our primary language and encounter someone else who speaks only his or her primary language, which is different from ours, our communication will be limited. We can communicate, but it's awkward. If we are to communicate effectively across "language lines", we must learn the language of those with whom we wish to communicate.

People speak different love languages, just like people speak different native languages. This book talks about five different love languages: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Look at the above paragraph on native languages, and think of it as love languages. We have to figure out the love language of whoever it is we are wanting to communicate with, so they can understand us and the motive behind our efforts!  We also need to figure out our own  love language so we can let others know how best to communicate with us! The important thing is to "speak" the love language of who it is we're trying to communicate with.  Does that make sense? I hope so.

Take my word for it- Read the book! ANYWAYS...

In personal books of mine, I highlight sentences or passages I read that I either love or want to stick with me. I'll share some with you...

The desire for romantic love in marriage is deeply rooted in our psychological makeup. 
{Me, being the Psychology major and Counseling graduate student I am, thought this was important to remember! ;)}

Seldom do a husband and wife have the same primary emotional love language. We tend to speak our primary love language, and we become confused when our spouse does not understand what we are communicating. We are expressing our love, but the message does not come through because we are speaking what, to them, is a foreign language.

Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse's primary love language, I belive that you will have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving relationship/marriage. Love need not evaporate after the wedding, but in order to keep it alive most of us will have to put forth the effort to learn a secondary love language. We cannot rely on our native tongue if our spouse does not understand it. If we want him/her to feel the love we are trying to communicate, we must express it in his or her primary love language.  

I think the premise behind this book makes absolute sense! I believe relationships are work...especially after you get past that just-started-dating, totally-in-love, they-could-never-do-wrong phase. I also believe that once you have that special someone in your life, the work is worth it. :)

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