30 Blogs in 30 Days: Day 2: Three Legitimate Fears

Three legitimate fears?

I could say things like spiders, bugs in general, rats, and other yucky things and be totally serious. But I don't think that's what the purpose of this blog is.

So, I'll be honest.

For YEARS I had reoccurring nightmares. I had nightmares regarding end times, terrorist attacks, machine guns, devastating tidal waves, etc.  Someone I knew and loved always died in these dreams and I would wake up terrified every now.  I remember as a super young child, I had nighmares.  I slept with my brother's hard as a rock Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle because my dad told me that it would fight off my bad dreams.  Crazy thing is is that he was right.  When I slept with the TMNT I would never have a bad dream, so of course I slept with it every. single. night.  I think my parents thought "that CAN'T be comfortable" so they got me this cat. It was a gray stuffed cat that "purred" when you shook it. Why you would shake the cat, I don't know, but nevertheless.  The movie "Andre" had just come out, or I had just watched it, and was in LOVE with the cat. So, obviously I named the cat Andre and slept with it until I was in 8th grade.  I don't know but I THINK my parents did something with the cat when I forgot to take it to a friend's house. I think they thought I was a little too old for that kind of thing. For that, today, I thank them. But anyways {I think I'm on a tangent now}...I am a firm believer that nightmares are "all in your head" because I could literally control my nightmares by whether or not I slept with this cat. I figured this out sometime in middle school because I did experiments to see whether or not I would have nightmares depending on whether or not I slept with this cat.  Fast forward six to eight years and I had a bout of nightmares again.  Alex and I weren't together at the time and I would call him just to make sure he was okay because I would have horrible nightmares about him dying. {Crazy, right?} I seriously started praying about relieving my nightmares and repeated Scripture to myself and would hang Bible verses around my apartment.  That totally worked. God is so good!!

So...I guess you could say that these crazy nightmares are a fear of mine, or whatever was in my dream is the fear. I don't know. All I know is I don't want to go through that season ever again.

That was a long #1... {sorry!}

The second thing that I am legitimately afraid of is my home being broken into or catching on fire. I've had neighbors houses catch on fire and I've had people I know have their homes broken into while they were home. Movies don't help this fear either. Knowing these things happen, every day, to people who aren't expecting it at all makes it that much more scary.  I also have reoccurring dreams that my house is catching on fire and I know it's happening, and I devise a plan to get what I can or what I feel like I can't live without before the fire gets to the part of the house that I'm in. {Crazy, right? I'm sure that means something.}

And, shoot me now for being so cliche, but losing someone I love is probably a biggest fear of mine. I lost my first grandparent when I was young, and haven't had to deal with someone I love dearly passing away since then.  My grandmother's currently in an escalated state of dementia, and I haven't seen her since she lost a lot of her memory. That is going to be SO hard and I pray that I don't just cry my eyes out the next time I'm with her. My Mawmaw and Pawpaw are my grandparents that have always lived in my hometown, so I grew up seeing them more. They are literally my favorite people in the world and I have no earthly idea how I will get through it if anything ever happens to them. The thing is- I know it will, one day, and like I said, I have no earthly idea how I will get through it. The same goes for Alex. If something happened to him, I'd be so lost and I'd probably never get over it.

Great, now I'm in a super gloomy mood before bed. :/

Next up!: Day 3: Describing my relationship with my parents... Stay tuned!!

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