my much needed time with friends and family! :)

The past few days have been filled with friends and family and I have absolutely enjoyed (almost) every minute of it! ;)

Thursday was Grey's night (of course) & I had Amanda & Mallory over! We had chocolate pudding in wine glasses and it was phenomenal, haha!

Friday I went to visit Pat in Charlotte, but not without running 23498372498 errands in Lincolnton first! I got to have breakfast with Ale, which was great because I love catching up with her! When I finally got to Charlotte, Pat & I went to get some Mexican to eat and then on our first trip to Ikea!! Needless to say (but I guess I will anyways) that I was more thrilled than he was...but he honestly didn't seem to mind!

Side note: Someone should have informed me of Ikea's processes before this day. We walked in upstairs to the furniture showcase rooms and had absolutely no idea what to do if we found something we wanted! I was scared to ask the guy, for whatever reason, so Pat did, haha! I also didn't know that you have to walk ALLLLLLL through the store to get what you came in there to get. I didn't have an agenda so it was interesting to see everything and go through the store with Pat as we commented on everything we saw. And no one told me that, for example, if you wanted a kitchen table, you had to write down on what aisle & section you found the tabletop, and then go find the legs (you can't forget the table legs- & again, no one was really around & there to tell us these things) & then take your info to the bottom somewhere & tell them what you want, they give the pieces to you, and you take it home and put it together. MAN, that sounds difficult. Good thing I didn't buy anything big. I luckily walked out of there only having spent $9. Dave Ramsey would have been proud.

Okay, that was a long side note. Anywho... I enjoyed talking with Pat, catching up on some things with him, and just hanging out, spending some time together! We don't get to do that nearly as often as I'd like!

Afterwards, I got to go see one of my best friends, who I had not seen in FOREVER! - Elizabeth :) .. We chit chatted on things going on in life, what our friends had been up to, and went to get some Japanese. (I ingested about 23948723894 calories that day- no wonder I was sick when I got home). I love Elizabeth and I had missed her so much! It's nice to know that time and distance can not separate two friends who truly care. :)

Friday night was supposed to be "date night" or something of the sort with Alex. Considering I didn't get back to Lincolnton until 10:30ish & had the WORST headache ever and felt like I was going to barf up the 23948723894 calories I had consumed, I kindly asked Alex if he would mind coming to see me at Mawmaw's before I went to bed. He didn't really argue or complain. I love that man! He understood how important it was for me to catch up with my long lost friend so he didn't say anything, even though I hadn't seen him all week and wouldn't be seeing him the next night (or so I thought), and came over to hang out with me for a little and search the house for headache medicine! He's a sweetheart when he wants to be. ;)

Saturday, Alex & my fabulous cousin Nick came to put a new desk in my room. MAN I wish I would have thought to take a "before" picture because my back room was a complete j-u-n-k room! Full of storage, dirty laundry, random pieces of things, this and that, whatever! It was a mess! It looks WONDERFUL now that I have a big desk to put things away in! I also about killed myself putting heavy boxes of storage in my cabinets ten feet in the air! That was a serious workout!

Saturday night Alex & I met Brandon and Meredith, Becky & Randall, & Matt at Dos Amigos in Hickory for dinner! What a fun group! I enjoyed it! I definitely impressed myself with my knowledge of season one Modern Family quotes! ;)

And last, Tori and I had a movie night at my apartment when I returned. She had never seen The Breakfast Club before so we HAD to watch it and let her know what everyone's talking about when they refer to that movie. I enjoyed it, again, and she seemed to too! :) Success!

I'm sure you couldn't care less about any of this stuff, but I just wanted to share with you details of my fun-filled extended weekend, filled with family & friends! :) I sure needed it, and thoroughly enjoyed it. :)

I recommend not only having girlfriends, but SPENDING TIME with them, talking to them periodically on the phone, catching up! It's free therapy, a stress reliever, & just good ol' quality fun! :)

Breathless

Okay, so I might be a major loser but I hear pretty songs with meaningful lyrics (to me) and sometimes I like to pretend they're Christian-based, because I can totally hear them being Christian-based, even if a "secular" performer is singing the song (NOT saying they're not a Christian, please tell me you understand...) Anyways, so, I'm in a good mood today (this week is tax refund week and financial aid refund week!) and I am sitting here, listening to some Taylor Swift shuffle on my iTunes & hear her new single, "Breathless," which is actually a Better Than Ezra cover that she performed for the Hope for Haiti telethon in January. So I'm listening to it, loving it of course (if you didn't know this, I'm a major Taylor Swift fan), & I can totally see it being a Christian song -- one of forgiveness and unconditional love of the Father! I know that some might disagree with me...but that's just how I saw it at the moment and thought I would share this beautiful song with you! I included a YouTube of her performing it at the telethon for you so you can hear it if you want! Enjoy! :)

Breathless lyrics:
Here you are now
Fresh from your war
Back from the edge of time
And all that you were,
Stripped to the bone
I thought you­'d want to know

That when you feel the world is crashing
All around your feet
Come running headlong into my arms
Breathless
I'll never judge you
I can only love you
Come now running headlong
Into my arms
Breathless

Lay down your guns
Too weak to run
Nothing can harm you here
Your precious heart
Broken and scarred
Somehow you made it through
I only ask that you won't go again

When you feel the world is crashing
All around your feet
Come running headlong into my arms
Breathless
I'll never judge you
I can only love you
Come now running headlong
Into my arms
Breathless

So glad to see you smiling
So good to hear your laugh
I think that you've found you even
Missed yourself
I'm only asking this because I think that
Truth be told
Oh, you'll never go again
Again

When you feel the world is crashing
All around your feet
Come running headlong into my arms
Breathless
I'll never judge you
I can only love you
Come now running headlong
Into my arms
Breathless
Breathless



:)

Blindsided

blind-sided

tr. v.

1: to be unpleasantly surprised, usually with harmful effects

2: to be hit from the blind side

3: to be the recipient of something unexpected and usually undesirable

"Sometimes in the darkness, we find ourselves."

In my previous post I referred to this movie, Blindsided. It's an HBO documentary on Jared Hara, a young teenager who has the same disease my brother, Pat, was recently diagnosed with, Leber Hereditary Optic Neuropathy ("Leber's" or "LHON"). The day after we got home from Duke, Mom went online to purchase it. We heard it was really inspirational and uplifting. So, a couple days later she gets it in the mail, watches it almost immediately, and then texts me saying, "yep, still crying. it's so hard to watch..." . Well I couldn't not watch it so I got it from her the next day. After going out to dinner with Mom and Laren, I came home to an empty apartment. I put the DVD in and started watching it. The documentary's website describes it as saying:

"Blindsided" is an emotional and inspiring true story about the Hara family, whose son Jared was diagnosed at the age of twelve with a rare genetic disease that would leave him permanently blind. The documentary delves into the minds and hearts of family and friends about the two-year long downward emotional spiral that threatened to destroy this once devoted family. In the end, it is an uplifting story about love, friendship, forgiveness, and the strength of the human spirit.

"Blindsided" is a story of what happens when a family is faced with the unforeseen, the unimaginable. It is a story about a father whose depression and blame rip apart his once devoted family. It is a story about a mother who must live with the fact that she passed down the gene that took her son's eyesight. It is a story about a sister who must live knowing that she carries a gene that would render his blind at any moment. It is a story about Jared, who loses his eyesight in the prime of his life and finds the courage to bring everyone out of the darkness.

Almost immediately into the movie, they show home videos. I think it was the video clips of Jared and his older sister, Audra, that got me going. I mean it didn't take time at all and the tears were flowing uncontrollably. Seeing those videos of a loving older sister, hugging her little brother just touched my heart. I remember those days. Of course my brother and I always argued growing up. We're three years apart and were kids, so of course we fought. But I always loved my baby brother.

There are some very touching moments in the movie...

• moments where Jared's father talks about when Jared tells him that "in not much too longer he wouldn't be able to see him anymore"
• Jared learning who his true friends were, people who stuck around, looked out for him, defended him, helped him out, didn't make him feel isolated, and understood, or at least tried to understand how extremely hard things were for him
• Jared playing in his last hockey game, barely being able to see the puck, not even knowing he scored the winning goal
• showing the depressive state the family went into after Jared's diagnosis
• referring to unsuccessfully trying new technological things to attempt to bring Jared's eyesight back
• watching Jared's mother contemplate to herself whether or not she believes she would have chosen to have her children, had she known she carried this genetic mutation
• listening to Audra talk about how angry she gets, thinking her parent's sole focus is on her brother and the loss of his eyesight, ignoring the fact that she could lose her eyesight at any day, and also the anger she holds for her brother that she loves, simply because she's sad that he's lost his eyesight
• a friend of the family crying, talking about Jared "not ever being able to see his mom again"
• and of course watching Jared as he CHOSE to face his diagnosis head on, learning to live his life as normal as possible, learning to play the guitar and being pretty awesome at it, as well as many other things he always wanted to do

As you can imagine, watching this movie really got me thinking about so many things in my life. Which I won't get into now....I just wanted to try to share this documentary with you, because it really touched my heart more than I had expected.

"Sometimes you have to come from a really dark place, but it's completely up to you to pull yourself out of it."

-Brent Smith, lead singer of Shinedown (featured in "Blindsided")

February 9, 2010

I sent this message to some family and close friends of mine who have been praying for my brother and my family and had asked for updates.For those of you who are asking, here it is:

So yesterday we went to Duke. Mom & I left at 7am to get Pat in Charlotte & head up to Durham. Our appointment was at 1:00 but we wanted to make sure we knew where we were going and had time to eat or whatever, and not be late. Pat saw one doctor at about 2:15 and she did some vision tests, color tests, and a field test. We waited for another 2 hours and saw Dr. Bhatti, who we had come there to see.
Apparently the last two doctors Pat has been to have run a large number of tests, including the spinal tap to test for MS, and no test results were forwarded to Dr. Bhatti's office. Without that, everyone's still assuming a lot. But it wasn't a total waste.

First of all, Dr. Bhatti listed all the reasons for us as to why he believed Pat did not have MS (Multiple Sclerosis). -- Mainly because his eyes weren't in pain, his MRI of his brain was normal, other areas haven't been affected yet, one eye got bad and then months later another, and because generally Pat was otherwise healthy.

Dr. Bhatti STRONGLY believes that Pat has "Leber Hereditary Optic Neuropathy" (info on LHON can be found here  & here).

Luckily, Pat has already been tested for "Leber's" and the test results were included in the bunch that were not forwarded to Dr. Bhatti. Dr. Bhatti is extremely knowledgeable about Leber's. He has worked on clinical trials and was even the doctor for Jared Hara, who had a documentary of his story on HBO, called "Blindsided" (http://blindsidedthemovie.com). Dr. Bhatti said the test results should have only taken 3-4 weeks to get back, so Mom should have them by now. Mom has been desperately trying to get in touch with the doctor's office but they either don't answer, don't call back, or say "all results are not back so we can not give you any results yet."

So, Dr. Bhatti said, he believes so much that Pat has Leber's that he should live as if he has it, until otherwise proven that he doesn't. He even said that if Pat's past test comes back negative, to come back to Duke to have the test redone and sent to a different lab. Apparently there are 3 different mutations for Leber's in the cell's mitochondria, and the blood tests only test for the most common, and Dr. Bhatti has seen tests come back negative for one mutation, retested, and then come back positive for another. So, if the test results come back negative, Pat will be retested.

About Leber's....(here's what I got from Dr. Bhatti, but you can click the links above & read more info if you'd like). Leber's (or LHON) is a genetic mutation disease, found in the mitochondria of the cells. It's passed through the mother's genes. Dr. Bhatti then explained to us that if Pat's results came back positive, then I would also have Leber's. Pat will not be able to pass this mutation onto his children; however, I will pass it to mine. Dr. Bhatti explained that with this genetic mutation, Pat (males) had a 60% chance of losing their eyesight and I (females) have a 20% chance of losing my eyesight. Anyways, Pat's "bad" eye is probably as bad as it's going to get, he thinks, but he told Pat that he believes within a couple months Pat's "good" eye would get as bad as his "bad" one. Pat still has peripheral vision, but straight ahead everything is very blurry.

There is no treatment plans that they have found to work for Leber's. He asked Pat if he has contacted anyone regarding low vision "tools" or something of the sort....and within the lat week or so Pat had. Pat and Mom have met with a social worker discussing Pat getting disability, and getting different services like a "pebble" to magnify his books, etc. so he can do his school work (which is suffering pretty bad right now), or Zoom Text which will blow the text and images up on his computer, and a closed circuit TV (I think is what they called it) so he can try to put whatever it is he's trying to see up on the TV to try to help. Either way, all these things are very expensive and Pat is trying to contact The Lion's Club to see if they can help financially.

Dr. Bhatti said that if Pat's results came back positive, and he was almost certain they would, that his previous doctor, Dr. Saunders, could explain to him all he needed to know about it, or he could come to Duke and he would do it personally. He said Pat his personal office number and said to call and leave a message and he would fit him in ASAP instead of waiting the normal 2 month wait. I personally believe Dr. Bhatti is the best bet with all this....especially since he can spit off the genetic mutation number "11778" and stuff like that. He also said that if the results came back positive, that Pat did have Leber's, he strongly encouraged him to watch that HBO film, "Blindsided" because it showed this happening to a boy a little younger than Pat, all they went through, and how he is able to live as closely to a "normal" life that he can now, adapting to his condition. Dr. Bhatti joked that we should also just watch it anyways because he was in it, as Jared's physician- haha.

Dr. Bhatti called us at 9:45pm last night on our way to take Pat back to Charlotte (this was obviously an ALL day thing...Mom & I didn't get home until about 11:30pm). He said for Mom to call tomorrow to get the results, and if she is having trouble doing so, that he would call personally to get them. I thought that was so kind of him to do. He was obviously thinking about Pat late that night and wanted to help as much as he could. He had called the house and talked to Dad, you know...thinking we would be home by then. He obviously doesn't know us that well, haha. Dad gave him Pat's cell phone number and that's when he called and talked to Pat. I just couldn't believe that late in the evening he was making calls trying to get in touch with Pat, trying to help. That really touched my heart.

Um, I THINK that's all I know. This morning Mom already called the office to try to get some answers, and had to leave a message. She said if she doesn't hear back by lunch shes calling to have a nice long chit-chat with their office manager, then calling Dr. Bhatti to see if he can get anywhere with them.

Sorry this is so long. I tried no to leave anything out! If you come across any questions, ask, and maybe I'll remember something else!

Well, that was all on Tuesday, February 9th and I wrote that message to people the next day. By the end of the day I was talking to my Mom during a break in class, and she told me she had gotten the test results back. Pat had tested negative for Multiple Sclerosis and positive for Leber's.

Honestly, I wasn't thinking of myself at all at that point. I was just SO incredibly thankful that my brother did not have MS. My brother is athletic and losing control of his nerves and his muscles would literally kill him. Your eyesight is precious...so very precious...but if you want to be realistic, Leber's is the lesser evil here. It's something that is devastating and life-changing but it also is something you can learn to live with.

So, this is what went on last week. Going to Duke and learning of Pat's (and ultimately now my) diagnosis. You can see now why it was so emotionally exhausting.

Thank you Lord for answered prayers

I really don't know where to begin. This has been a very emotional week for me and my family. First of all, I want to say a big thank you to all of you who have been praying for my brother, Pat, and our family. I am a firm believer that prayers are heard and prayers can heal! I want to thank those who have prayed for and laid hands on my brother at Covenant Bible Church, and ALL the hometown churches that have added Pat and my family to their prayer lists. First Baptist Church has also done an exceptional job expressing their concern and letting us know that we are in their prayers. For that I thank you! Saying "thank you" really doesn't express my genuine appreciation but I still must ask that you do not stop praying. I don't want to say "now more than ever" but now would just a much needed time for us to be lifted up in prayer. For the longest time we have prayed for answers, good answers, or at least answers we can handle....and, sure enough, as always, the good Lord provided! It has been over six months and we have found our answer! It's not the best answer ever, but thank you Jesus that it is not the worst answer either! For that I am forever thankful!

Now, I know not everyone who reads my blogs knows what is going on. I'm not big into secrets and know that for some of you who are reading this, you're just simply curious. I'm sometimes the same way. I will say to you, those who are taking the time to read this, that I am cutting the sarcasm off for the night, all joking aside, and sharing with you something very personal. In return, I ask that after reading this, you take a moment to lift my brother and my family up in prayer, and if you aren't religious or spiritual, then please, keep us in your thoughts and learn from our story, not taking anything in life for granted. Right now I am praying for hope and help for my brother. I can't imagine losing something as precious as my eyesight, even though I have to come to the realization that I, too, one day may as well. I am praying for the Lord to make a way to help my parents afford all the tools that Pat will need in his near future and for Him to heal our hearts and begin to see the will He has for us all. I have always said (almost cliché-like) that everything happens for a reason. No, it wasn't some sappy quote I got off the internet. It's a way I like to look at life, and God's will. I am positive that God has a perfect plan for us all, far beyond our comprehension--a.k.a. "a reason for everything," even this. This is not something that my brother, myself, or my family can not handle, with God's help. I am leaning on Him during this time and continuing to have faith!

The Atheist and the Bear

An atheist was walking through the woods.

"What majestic trees!
What powerful rivers!
What beautiful animals!"
He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him..

He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.

He tripped & fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him...

At that instant the Atheist cried out,
"Oh my God!"

Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent...

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came.

"You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.

Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?

Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."

"So far, so good" :)

How cute is this?!  Check out this clip from the Bonnie Hunt show, where you hear audio from a five year-old's 911 call in an attempt to help her dad who is having trouble breathing! "So far, so good!," she says. :)

"The girl on page 194"

So, on the elliptical this past week I was reading Glamour magazine. I have no idea what issue I was reading but the editor's page was referring to all the comments she has received on "the girl on page 194." They included a picture and immediately I was interested!

Apparently in the September issue of Glamour magazine, they began a story on feeling comfortable in your skin and posted a small 3 inch square picture of Lizzi Miller.

Lizzi isn't a celebrity, or a supermodel. She is just a 20 year-old model, sitting comfortably wearing just her underwear and a smile. So what's the big deal, right? The big deal is the photo shows a belly that looks...wait for it...normal.

With all the six-pack abs and flat bellies we see in the media, it is really easy for a woman to forget what a realistic stomach looks like!

Lizzi is a size 12-14, which is the average American female's size, believe it or not. Unfortunately, for the "modeling world" she is considered plus-size. (We all know the downfalls having a "modeling world" mentality can do to a girl. We've all heard, or even experienced, the horror stories.)

"When I was young I really struggled with my body and how it looked because I didn't understand why my friends were so effortlessly skinny," Lizzi told Glamour magazine. "As I got older I realized that everyone's body is different and not everyone is skinny naturally--me included! I learned to love my body for how it is, every curve of it. I used to be so self-conscious in a bikini because my stomach wasn't perfectly defined. But everyone has different body shapes! And it's not all about the physical! If you walk on the beach in your bikini with confidence and you feel sexy, people will see you that way too."

Here's a toast to the woman on page 194, and to the spectacular sexiness of owning who you are.

And kudos to Glamour magazine for posting this, realizing true beauty, and for committing to celebrate all body shapes! 

Signs I am slowly losing it!

So guys, as most of you may know, I am slowly losing it! --> My sanity that is! :-P

Y'all seem to get a kick out of the stupid things I do from day to day so I thought I'd make a post about it! haha... and of course I'll add things as the days go on! ;)

And, to make myself feel better, we'll just start with the thing I did yesterday, and go from there. Sound good? Great! So here it goes...something I'd like to call:

How to know if you're losing it:

1. You forget to shave one of your legs, and wear capris.
2. You iron a pair of dirty sweat pants -- before you realize they're dirty, and that they're sweat pants! 

More to come, of course... Stay tuned! haha

Date day!

For a couple weeks, Alex has been asking me when I'd have some free time. School hadn't even started yet & already I had none! Even my Christmas break only seemed like a couple days of free time. So, I picked a day a week or so in advance that I didn't have anything really on the agenda yet (except the return of Grey's Anatomy). Somehow, some way, a week later the day came and I still didn't have anything on my agenda! So, all went according to (Alex's) plan.

Let me just say, in case you don't already know this tid-bit about me, I don't have much patience. It's something I pray for, a lot. I don't like being in the dark, or waiting, so, Alex purposefully keeping me in the dark for over a week about our plans for the day really drove me bananas! But he wanted to keep it a surprise, so, "I let him." haha

Anyways, he tells me that we HAVE to leave by 11:00 and for me to be ready to walk out of the door then. Well, if you know me then you know this did not happen. 11:15 and we leave, and decide to take my car (which is about 2,000 miles overdue for an oil change and needed gas) so, take a little time to pump gas & check the oil, ya know, make sure I still have some! & then we were off....

Rewind! So, Alex walks in my apartment and immediately I start hounding him about what we're doing. He says, "Okay, I'll tell you, but, even if you don't like the idea, pretend like you do." Then he tells me he's taking me to the Biltmore House! My face lit up and I think I clapped, haha.... and I was not pretending. I have always wanted to go to the Biltmore House and I don't know why I have never been. Things like that just interest me. :) I was pumped!

We had such a good time! It was a perfect day with perfect weather! You know me...of course I got some pictures!

I even managed to sneak some pictures inside the Biltmore House, when one of the 638,751 employees weren't standing around the corner. Here are some of our favorites...

the...game room?? pretty nice for 1900ish.

a beautiful view of the mountains!

cool paintings on the basement walls...

Alex is obsessed with all things superhero so, I took this picture for him. Why it was painted on the basement wall of the Biltmore House, I don't know...

& Alex's favorite...the pool!

I didn't get to take any pictures of the beautiful bedrooms. And the garden was all dead and everything since it is January so, we'll have to make another trip in the Spring!  :) I was also super fascinated with the ceilings in all the rooms...I would LOVE living in a place with such beautiful architecture. [<--saying this is a definite sign I am getting older.]

Alex gets an A+ for date day! :)

My first challenge of 2010!

So, for reasons I’ll keep to myself, I have ONE month to get into a ROUTINE & to kick some nasty habits of mine! One month isn’t long so…I will have to find a way to stay focused!

I don’t know how much I weigh (yet). I don’t know if I care, or if I want to know… I think a lot of girls/people focus too much on their weight and the actual number. In case you didn’t know, your weight fluctuates throughout the day, so unless you’re going to weight yourself at home every morning the second you wake up, then weighing yourself isn’t the best idea ever. It’s healthy to lose 1-2 pounds a week and if you lose weight at that pace, you’re a lot more likely to keep it off! So, that is my goal! I don’t think I’ll need a scale; I think that I’ll be able to see and feel the results I want with time and that’s all I ask for! The thought of taking a “before” picture crossed my mind too, haha…you know, the unflattering body poses, complete with bad hair and a frown on my face! IF I do, you definitely won’t see it until way, way later when I see the results I want & can take an a decent “after” picture! ;)

I have free access to the gym on campus so, I have no excuse! Other than the fact I would LIKE to go sometime before noon everyday and Lenoir-Rhyne’s gym has some crazy hours (6-8 am & noon-11pm!) I guess I will have to figure something out.

Weight loss is not my objective here…the whole point of the month-long “thing” I have going on here is about habits (particularly my bad ones!) I’ll admit…I have a number of them! I heard it’s best not to try to kick them all at the same time so, I won’t try! ;)

My main goals are:
1. Get on a healthy & (keyword here:) steady sleep schedule
2. Eat 5 small meals a day…3 plus 2 HEALTHY snacks!
3. (Starting small here -->) Only drinking ONE soft drink a day!
4. Hitting up the gym at least 4-5 times a week…for at least one hour!

You gotta start small. :) Now, I’ve already purchased my “healthy snacks” – which will definitely come in handy when I’m stuck in class on Wednesdays for 4-5 hours at a time! And there is currently NO soft drinks in my refrigerator! (Confession: I did purchase two 2 liters of Mtn Dew, you know, just in case… but they are room temperature in my coat closet!)

Now, I’ve been going to bed at decent times (compared to my previous 3ish a.m. bedtime) lately & having to get up to go work at the gym from 6-8 a.m. really does help to get you in the habit! Too bad I could always come back home & sleep til noon (& sometimes do)!

That’s another thing! I can’t be sleeping in like I did. I mean, I usually didn’t sleep past noon, but still…I need to pick a decent time to get up, and GET UP at that time. No more of this snooze for 10 more minutes, then another, then another junk!

Ok…I’ve talked enough. It’s time to walk the walk. It’s 9:45 p.m. & I’ve gotta work at 6 in the morning so, we’ll see how it goes! I’ll keep you posted! ;)

WISH ME LUCK! :-D

Reflecting on 2009

Where did 2009 go? Man it flew by! I say that...but a lot happened in 2009! I learned so many things this past year. I probably say that every year, but, I DO mean it! :) I was also blessed tremendously in 2009. Looking back, I can't even begin to tell you all the things God did for me. (But, I'll try!) First and foremost, God's timing could not be more perfect! I can not express how lucky I am to have had Him place Alex back into my life, for good! I am (still) so in love with that man of God & I can not wait to see what 2010 has in store for us! Alex graduated in May and has been searching for a job at least since then! He's been unsuccessful in finding a job and I am so proud of him. He keeps his head up and has the most positive attitude. He knows that God has something perfect for him out there and it's only a matter of time before He presents Alex with that opportunity. Until then, God has provided various odd jobs for him to provide him some gas money at least! That boy comes to Hickory ALL the time and I am SO appreciative!! During this time though, Alex has searched after the heart of his Father and has dove into the Word of the Lord and boy does it show! I am on a daily basis proud of the man he is, and the man he is turning into. I do believe that with the help of the Lord, people CAN change. As you all know, Alex & I have had our ups and downs, times together and times apart. Throughout it all, I've learned to stay true to your heart and that (how cliche is this?) "if it's meant to be, IT WILL BE." Either way, the past is in the past now and 2009 was a great year for us, and again, I can't wait to see what 2010 has in store for us!

Now, if you know me, you know that I have to make that money! I do not have the luxury of being able to take "time off" or anything of the sort. Bills have to be paid, right? The Lord has always been successful providing me employment and 2009 was NO exception! It all started in JANUARY and by the last week of JULY, the Lord has answered my prayers!! It was stressful but I learned that I need to stay faithful and the Lord WILL provide! In the mean time, God provided me temporary jobs to pay the bills & gain some learning experiences! I am very appreciative of all the people that prayed for me during that time. It obviously helped! I have never loved a job more!

Meet my staff! I think this pic is such an exact replica of our personalities!

 and meet my fellow RDs:

And lastly, learning experiences...I mentioned those, right? They definitely were a definitive part of 2009 and I will be forever grateful for those as well! I won't go into what all I learned, but I can tell you that I will take everything I learned from the beginning to the end of the past year and use it in the upcoming year(s).

I don't believe in New Years resolutions. If I ever made them, they didn't work out. I just want to work on making this year & every year after that better! My first Facebook photo album of the year is titled, "making 2010 the best year ever.." & that's simply what I'm doing! I'm going to do some prioritizing, some sifting, and work on devoting my time & energy into what helps me do that. I'm focusing on God, my family, Alex, & my true friends. If I do that, everything else will fall into place. I'm sure of it. :)

Done! Finished! Finito! Fin! :-D

I made it! I am officially done with my first full semester of graduate school. Praise the Lord! I never thought I would see the light at the end of the tunnel that is this semester. In a matter of 4 days last week I wrote FIFTY pages of essay-type things. FIFTY! That's insane! I thought I would go crazy. I took about a week long mental vacation and then had to be back at it. I cranked another 10 pages out, had class tonight (a week after "the last day of classes"), and feel SO relieved! I really don't know what to do with myself. I mean, there is always something I should be doing. I can't go home for Christmas until Monday, the 21st, so, there is RD work to be done, and DEFINITELY cleaning that has been neglected lately with all this paper writing! So, I'll need to get on that. But tonight, I'm just not feeling it. I took a nice, long, MUCH needed shower after I got out of class, and I might just get in the bed with a book at 8pm and see how long it takes me to drift off to dreamland! :)

I've gotta get up crazy early in the morning. I'm working at the gym 6-8 AM! Trying to make a little extra holiday $$$! I'm already counting down the days until February 17ish when I get my next financial aid refund check. :/ Don't get me started...

I don't know what else to tell you right now- other than I am seriously sleep-deprived, smelling beautifully, and so so SOOOO happy that this semester is over with! Oh, and did I tell you that I am taking four classes next semester? We'll see how it goes....

Until then, I'm going to try to have a very merry CHRISTmas with my family, friends, and special someone! :) I hope you will all do the same.

The school part of graduate school--

Omgosh. Grad school is definitely doing a job job kicking my butt right now.

I have learned that you can't just take pride in finalizing your to-do list. You have to get things done so your to-do list gets smaller or smaller. The thing with me is, I'll keep adding crap to the list. Just so I won't forget down the road.

My to-do list currently has on it: work on paper due next week and finish painting apartment (which we all know probably won't happen until the summer). Who am I kidding?

I do take pride in the fact that our STUPID paper was completed tonight at 11pm. It's due tomorrow. Figures. It's so hard to get us all together. We are all adults, living individual lives. It's not like undergrad when the majority of students don't have full time jobs, or children, or spouses. It is seriously difficult to get a group of 4 or 5 of us together to work on a group project. But we did it! We spent 7 hours together this work working on it...not counting the time we worked on it individually. Group papers are the worst I think. Ahh but it's DONE! :-D

November 18th is a big day for me. I have tons of crap due that day - tons! Including a paper on a book I haven't read yet. (Date check - yes, it's Nov 13th!) I heard it's a good one though ... one about the experiences of living in a concentration camp during WWII. I've been told the main point of the book is "it's not about what happens to you, but how you react to what happens to you" so .. I'm sure I'll finish it quickly! I better, huh?!

After that I'll only have a couple more assignments due for the semester and the Monday & Tuesday before Thanksgiving I'll get TWO out of 3 of my FINALS to start completing. Grad school finals are awesome. Yeah, they're cumulative, which sucks, but they're take home, open book essay finals! The sooner I start, the sooner I'll get done .. which means the sooner I can get back to stalking people on Facebook! ;) juuuuuuuuuust kidding. (right.) No, but I do miss it...

On a different note - I registered for classes already! November 9th. I thought that was kinda early but maybe I'm wrong. I am taking 3 classes right now (9 hours), all of which are kicking my butt, but to my defense, only because I procrastinated. So what do I do? I sign up for FOUR next semester! You know me, trying to get out of school as soon as I can! At the going rate I'll graduate December of 2011. Gah, that seems forever away but I'm sure it'll be here before I know it. Anyways, four classes. I was going to take a week-long class in December on spirituality but I think I'll take that time to go home and have a break with my family. Oh! AND .. one of those classes next semester is only 3 weekends long. How awesome is that? 3 weekends and I'm done. Grad school DOES have its perks!

I am so blessed to be here. I try to thank God every day for the job He gave me here and for the opportunity to further my education, for free, because otherwise I'd just have a Psychology degree and I'd either be doing something I hate or working a job that doesn't require a college education. He DEFINITELY was keeping His eye out for me! I have no doubt in my mind. Thank you, Lord! :)

peace out, facebook!

So, I blame Facebook for distracting me the most. As a result, I have decided to get off Facebook until all my work for the semester is complete! I did this once before, you know, when you temporarily deactivate your Facebook, knowing that the minute you sign back in everything pops back up, as if you never left. Yeah, I tried that-- I was productive an entire day and then later that night, what did I do? I signed back on! I have absolutely no self-control. Or, I didn't. Who knew that all it would take to get me off and focusing on things that are more important was a bribe? I didn't, but it's seemed to work so far. Okay, okay....so I'm only two days in! It's been a pretty productive two days!

Yesterday I was pretty proud of myself. I wrote a nine page paper in APA format with 20 references, ate in the caf twice (not my norm), had a salad instead of something greasy, and got water instead of Mountain Dew, twice! If you know me, you're probably proud too- haha... I'm working on productivity! There are so many things I need to do but so also so many things I WANT to do. So, I'm getting items in my to-do list marked off one by one, less slowly and more surely than usual! I must say, I like this no Facebook idea.

Sidenote: if for some reason you see a status update or something, it's ONLY because I said that I would ONLY and I mean ONLY get on Facebook to post updates to this blog and updates to my devotion Facebook group, "ten minutes to get you through your day." I'm staying true to my vow and not just because I was promised one of my favorite TV shows on DVD. :)

Enjoy your Tuesday!

Welcome to Hickory, NC!

Ahh! My sleep schedule is SO messed up! I'll probably end up blogging late at night while I have a ton of energy. Living back in the residence halls have really screwed up my already pretty messed up sleep schedule. And I really reallly really wish I'd work on that more- because it really messes up your day!

About that---as most of you know, I've moved to Hickory, NC. I got a great job too! I am now a Resident Director at Lenoir-Rhyne University. I live in an apartment in Isenhour Hall on campus, one of the primarily freshmen "dorms." (Speaking of my apartment, it was a definite fixer-upper and I took before and after pictures! I'll have to share them another day!) Anyways, my job is to primarily oversee the RAs in the building (who, by the way are SUCH an awesome staff!) and the building itself, and handle any mishaps that happen along the way. Let me tell you, I LOVE IT! Isenhour Hall is crazy. My residents are crazy and I'm enjoying getting to know them this year. I hate hate hate the sound of my doorbell but I don't mind it when I hear it at 2 in the morning if someone is having issues.  It's such a great job to have while I work on my Masters. I can use what I learn in classes immediately and directly with students, which is great!

Again, in case you hadn't heard, I'm working here at LR on my Masters in Counseling. I couldn't decide which type of counseling I wanted to do once I had my Masters and I was seriously struggling with that decision. Usually, graduate schools have you decide which type of counseling you want to pursue: agency/community or school. Well, long story short: Lenoir-Rhyne has an awesome program that lets you do both! So, I added 12 hours to my course load and will be able to pursue a counseling career in either some type of community counseling or in a school! With the economy the way it is, the more doors I'll be able to open the better! And then there's the fact that I still have no idea what I actually WANT to do! So, I have about 2 years to figure it out. :)

I think I've figured that I'll graduate in August or December of 2011. I took two classes this summer and plan to take one in December. It's crazy--those 3 classes add up to only a total of 16 days but those 3 classes alone will knock a whole SEMESTER off my graduation date! You know me....trying to get in and out as soon as possible so I can move on to the next stage! :) However, my LR experience is a lot different from my experience in undergrad at Appalachian. I may blog about that later. :) Therefore I wouldn't mind staying longer if I had to/could. Ok, I've lived here like TWO months...I need to stop. I'm hoping things don't change but I need to stop counting my chickens. Hopefully I'll remember to keep blogging and give you an update on it later on, once I've experienced it all a little more.

Dreams & the Devil, my personal story...

So, you may or may not have heard me talk about this before but, either way, I have an update.

So you know how some people dream, and sometimes they remember their dreams and sometimes they don't? Well, I can't remember a time when I have remembered a "good" dream. If I remember a dream, it's because it probably scarred me for life. I mean, I know all about REM sleep, and I know I dream multiple dreams a night. However, if I realize I'm dreaming, if I'm awoken from a dream, or if I even remember a dream-- it's because it scared the living daylights out of me.

My nightmares usually involve someone I love dying, or someone trying to kill me, or the world ending. Crazy! Right?? But you can see how this would freak me out now...

Having lunch with a friend one day, we got on the topic of dreams and I was telling them about my nightmares. She asked me if I've always had them, or if they recently started occurring. I got to thinking about it... I thought they had recently began occurring throughout the past couple years or so, which had been a pretty tough time for me. Once I starting thinking back, it hit me! I had been suffering from these nightmares since I can remember. (Ironic, ha).

A long time ago my family used to live in Iron Station, NC. We moved out of that house when I was in the 2nd grade, therefore I figured out that I started having recurring nightmares somewhere between the ages of 3 and 7. I vividly remember not wanting to go to sleep in fear of having another nightmare. My brother, Pat, & I shared a bedroom at the time and I remember my dad putting me to sleep in my bed. He picked one of Pat's toys up off the floor-- a foot-tall, hard as a rock Ninja Turtle-- & I remember him telling me that if I slept with the Ninja Turtle, he'd fight off my bad dreams.

Do y'all know how long I slept with that Ninja Turtle? I was paranoid! I slept with it every night until finally my parents realized that my "comfort item" wasn't a blanket or a stuffed animal, but a foot-tall, hard as a rock Ninja Turtle! They bought me this cat to replace the turtle. The movie "Andre" had just come out (the movie about a girl who raised a pet seal...y'all remember that?!) .. Well, I named the cat Andre and took that thing everywhere I spent the night. I TRULY believed that if that cat wasn't covered up in the bed next to me I would have a bad dream. I honestly, sadly to say, slept with that thing PROBABLY until I was in 8th grade. I remember in middle school doing nightly experiments, sleeping with the cat and not sleeping with the cat, to see if I would have a nightmare or not. I promise you-- if that cat was not by my side, I had a nightmare, sure as the devil! That freaked me out and that is how I justify to myself why I slept with the cat until I was in the 8th grade.

Now I can't remember why I quit sleeping with the cat, and I couldn't even tell you where it is today (which saddens me a bit)...but I'm sure it had something to do with me entering high school. It also might have something to do with the fact that one night I spent the night at Ashleigh Woody's house and forgot the cat. I called my mom, freaking out, and asked her to come bring it to me. She for whatever reason wouldn't, and I could hear my dad joking in the background saying, "here kitty kitty...", acting like he was going to kill my cat or something horrible. I don't know, but I remember getting really upset, and afterwards I probably just wondered why in the world I was getting so upset over a stuffed cat!

Either way, (sorry--this story's getting longer than I anticipated) I don't sleep with a comfort item and haven't since then. But, I still have these crazy nightmares! I don't watch scary movies anymore because I'm sure they'll trigger some unconscious (or obviously conscious) fear of mine and I'll have nightmares for a month or something crazy.

Anywho-- some friends and I were talking about dream therapy at lunch the other day and I told them my crazy cat story. I told them how it was all in my head and if I slept with the cat growing up I never had a bad dream, but if I didn't then I would for sure have one.

A couple nights later, I couldn't sleep so I started reading my new Bible. It's a NIV & The Message Parallel Bible & I love it! Anyways, I just opened it up and started reading The Message.

PLEASE LOOK AT WHAT I FOUND---

"Dear friend, guard clear Thinking and common sense with your life; don't for a minute lose sight of them. They'll keep your soul alive and well, they'll keep you fit and attractive. You'll travel safely, you'll neither tire nor trip. **NOW HERE'S MY FAVORITE PART -->** You'll take afternoon naps without a worry, you'll enjoy a good night's sleep. NO NEED TO PANIC OVER ALARMS OR SURPRISES, OR PREDICTIONS THAT DOOMSDAY'S JUST AROUND THE CORNER, BECAUSE GOD WILL BE RIGHT THERE WITH YOU; HE'LL KEEP YOU SAFE AND SOUND." (Proverbs 3: 21-26, The Message)

Obviously that spoke right to my heart. I worry and I worry and I worry. I pray every night before I go to bed that the Lord blesses me with sweet dreams, or at least no nightmares. I try not to take dreams seriously but they honestly make me very anxious and weary. It's funny because the Lord says in the Bible NOT to anxious OR weary! The Devil attacks you, day and night, and obviously whether you are asleep or not. He'll find a way to get to you- He knows you're destined for great things and therefore will get a head start on attempting to bring you down whenever possible.

I now go to bed worry-free. I know the Lord is protecting me.
I'm sure some of you have experienced a similar situation. I'm sure some of you can relate. I just wanted to share this with you and let you know that God is in control. Give your life to Him and He will take that life-long burden off your shoulders. "Cast your anxieties on Him because He cares for you." :)

And if you made it all the way to the end, I appreciate you listening. :) Be blessed!

I've Learned:

I've learned
that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is
be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.

I've learned -
that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.

I've learned -
that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned -
that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned -
that you can get by on charm
for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned -
that you shouldn't compare
yourself to the best others can do
but to the best you can do.

I've learned -
that it's not what happens to people
that's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned -
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.


I've learned -
that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.

I've learned -
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.


I've learned -
that it's a lot easier
to react than it is to think.

I've learned -
that you should always leave
loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned -
that you can keep going
long after you think you can't.

I've learned -
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I've learned -
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.

I've learned -
that regardless of how hot and steamy
a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had better be
something else to take its place.

I've learned -
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I've learned -
that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned -
that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned -
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned -
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned -
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned -
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.

I've learned -
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I've learned -
that just because someone doesn't love you
the way you want them to doesn't mean
they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned -
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned _
that you should never tell a child
their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.
Few things are more humiliating, and
what a tragedy it would be
if they believed it.

I've learned -
that your family won't always
be there for you. It may seem funny,
but people you aren't related to
can take care of you and love you
and teach you to trust people again.
Families aren't biological.

I've learned -
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you
every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned -
that it isn't always enough
to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn
to forgive yourself.

I've learned -
that no matter how bad
your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned -
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned -
that sometimes when my friends fight,
I'm forced to choose sides
even when I don't want to.

I've learned -
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned -
that sometimes you have to put
the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned -
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.

I've learned -
that you shouldn't be so
eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.

I've learned -
that two people can look
at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.

I've learned -
that no matter how you try to protect
your children, they will eventually get hurt
and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned -
that there are many ways of falling
and staying in love.

I've learned -
that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves
get farther in life.

I've learned -
that no matter how many friends you have,
if you are their pillar you will feel lonely
and lost at the times you need them most.

I've learned -
that your life can be changed
in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.

I've learned -
that even when you think
you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.

I've learned -
that writing, as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.

I've learned -
that the paradigm we live in
is not all that is offered to us.

I've learned -
that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned -
that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.

I've learned -
that although the word "love"
can have many different meanings,
it loses value when overly used.

I've learned -
that it's hard to determine
where to draw the line
between being nice and
not hurting people's feelings
and standing up for what you believe.

copyrights to: Kathy Kane Hansen

true love never dies

In 50 years I hope to be just as in love as my grandparents were today. :)

My Pawpaw told me about how my Mawmaw had red high heel shoes on when they first met, "and a red dress too!" ... and how he thought, "I'd like to marry a girl like that." ... and then he said "and I did! I got to marry a girl like that." ... awwwwwwww now HOW adorable is he?? Really??

Please note how he said he "GOT" to marry a girl like that. He considered it a privilege. And that my friend is how it should be...always.

She told me about when he proposed and how he still remembers certain special moments from thier past, like the time they first met, and how thoughtful that was of him.... She said, "People will never forget the thoughtful things you do for them." How true.

I am actually blessed to be dating a guy that remembers those little important things- the time we first held hands, the DATE we first kissed, the time we first cuddled, the first movie we watched, etc. etc. ... I am a lucky girl :)

Out of the mouth of Pawpaw

"No matter what happens, be positive." - My Pawpaw 

just wanted to remember this one day :)